Wednesday, July 30, 2014


In a way this post is four and a half years in the making. Four and a half years ago my life changed in an unforeseeable way and I've been keeping it a secret. That's a long time to keep a secret, but it wasn't my secret to tell. I've kept quiet from family, friends, and the world. But now, finally I'm able to talk about what has been going on in my life these last couple years.

Right about the time that I broke my ankle, Jeff and I had a discussion where he came out to me as transgender. At the time I didn't know the word and neither did he. What he told me is that his outside gender didn't match his inside gender. He didn't feel comfortable in his own skin. It was through the research we've done in these last three years that we heard the term transgender. The formal definition is, "a term for people whose gender identity, expression, or behavior is different from those typically associated with their assigned sex at birth".

That first discussion led to others. Many others. We talked for years about what this meant. In the beginning Jeff hoped that he would be okay just using feminine expressions to make himself feel better. But we both quickly realized that it wasn't enough. We started talking about what would happen IF he transitioned. Then it became WHEN.

In January we decided that there was no reason for him to be miserable any longer. We decided that Jeff would become Jess in August. Three weeks from now I'll be married to a woman. Not legally a woman but a woman in appearance and hopefully as perceived by the rest of the world. I'm starting to change my "he" to "she". I'm trying to get used to the new name. People who spend time with us regularly have been told. The support has been tremendous, both for her and me. Her office is making adjustments and will handle everything there. Everyone has told me that it will take time for their impressions to change, but that they will continue to spend time with us. It's been an eye opening couple of months.

And an eye opening couple of years. I've started reading books on gender expression and the very big difference between sex and gender. I've had more discussion with Jess then we've ever had. There have been tears and there have been laughs. Jess seems happier than she's been in many years. And I'm happy about that. For 15 years I've loved him. And now I think I'm going to love her just as much. It will be a transition. For both of us. But we're prepared to see this through together, as friends and companions. And still married.


Keith said...

I am immensely proud of Jess and you. Being closeted is horrible, and now you're both able to be honest. I am very glad you have lots of support among your family, friends and coworkers.

You go, girls.

Cat B said...


Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and support! It is a difficult thing to be closeted. I've seen the pain and frustration that Jess has lived with and I'm so happy to see her happy living more out. Thank you for your support. It means the world to Jess and I.


Prairie Nyx said...

I applaud that this is a journey are you taking together and I offer this link to a Facebook resource that may interest you:

Cat B said...

Thanks Prairie! I'll take a look at the Facebook page. It's wonderful that there are so many more resources for trans people than there used to be.

Hawkeyegirl said...

How beautiful! I'm so very happy for the both you. Such courage and love gives the rest of us something to look up to and hope for in our own lives. Thank you for sharing you story and I wish you nothing but the best!

Fumiko said...

I have so many things I want to tell and talk, but my English is not good enough...

Best wishes for you and Jess!!!

Cat B said...

Thanks HawkeyeGirl! I have been overwhelmed with support and I appreciate your sweet words. I'm glad that we can offer a positive example. Thank you!

Fumiko! You've always been one of the sweetest most wonderful friends. Words aren't needed. Thank you!