Recurrent Corneal Erosion

I can't believe I'm writing this, but I'm becoming fearful about falling asleep. Bad things happen when I fall asleep. I'm living on less than five hours a night lately. For the last three weeks I've been waking up every hour or every other hour and going back to sleep just praying that I get to the next wake-up. At least get to the next wake-up without pain.

Three times in the last two weeks I've woken up with severe pain, tearing, and the feeling that there is something in my eye. I know what it is. I know that it's not something in my eye but the explanation might be worse. Each time I wake up that way I'm hurting my cornea. I have Recurrent Corneal Erosion, which stems from my cut back in March. Knowing the damage that is being done actually makes it worse.

I've bought three different types of eye drops in the last three weeks and just broke down to buy an eye ointment this evening. The drops help a bit. But not every night. So I'll try the ointment tonight to see if that works. Each time I buy something I hope that it works and that I won't have to go back to the eye doctor to get further treatment. Mostly because so many of the treatments that are tried for RCE only occasionally work. I wore a contact for three weeks without luck. I'm sure I'll wear one again for longer with the hope that will work. I'd have to think long and hard about the surgery.

I'll go to see the doctor again soon. But I'm waiting until the end of the week when I have the days off. I know I'm not doing a lot of permanent damage to my eyes which means that it's not an emergency. Some people live with RCE for years. I just hope that it's not the case for me. Until then I hope that ointment will at least allow me to sleep without fear. I know the cause, and knowing helps in a way, but it doesn't help with the anxiety. Here's hoping for a good night sleep tonight and calm eyes this morning.

Jinxing Myself

I guess it's all a matter of what we pay attention to, but I keep noticing that this blog jinxes me. In December 2009, I wrote about how the moon on New Years Eve would not only be full but a blue moon. I wondered aloud if it was an omen. Two days later I was lying on my back in the emergency room, cradling a fractured ankle.

This past week I wrote an article about eyes, particularly the beauty of pupils. Today I'm sitting on the couch dealing with eye pain. I woke up on Monday morning with pain. I've had it on and off since I cut my eye in March. But the pain on Monday didn't go away like it normally does. So I went back to the eye doctor (third time since January) and he diagnosed the pain. Apparently my cut had never healed properly and I was doing regular damage to my cornea. He fitted me with a bandage contact lens and sent me home with antibiotics. I'll be wearing the lens for about a month.

The contact might be worse than the pain I was having before but I'm trying to be good. It's only been 28 hours I keep telling myself. But my lovely iris is covered and a tad cloudy behind the contact. The rest of my eye is bright red. And I just want it to stop being irritated. I'm whiny and unproductive. Poor Jeff has had to deal with me whining about my eyes since March. And so far it doesn't seem to be going away. But I guess I should count my blessings. It could be worse. But I'm not going to say how...just in case.

Pain, Pain. Go Away

I woke up this morning to find that moving my arms alone would sent spasms of pain down my back. It is never a good morning where the simple act of eating breakfast is accompanied by grimaces and groans. So I wisely climbed back into bed and called for a sick day. I slept for a good part of the day, talk with friends through facebook and read a book that had been sitting on my shelf for a long time. It was a good day. 

The pain however did not make it a great day. Sitting in an upright position for any length of time is difficult. I can bend my head easily to the left but trying to do that on the right and my body tightens and I'm in serious pain. And all this makes me wonder whether I should have had surgery a year ago. 

In February of 2007 I was in Turks and Caicos with my family and I got certified for scuba diving. I came back with a pretty card that said I could do it any time I wanted to and a very stiff neck. In May I went again, this time to Bull Shoals, Arkansas. It was a wonderful weekend but again this time I came back with a seriously enflamed neck and the fact that my arm went numb every time I leaned forward. I put off going to the doctor but finally went at the end of summer. I had an MRI and found out that a disc in my neck was herniated. The radiologist later told my dad that it was one of the largest herniations he had ever seen. I was somehow not comforted.

Now I have a family history of disc problems. My mother had one and ended up using traction to get hers back in line. My brother came within days of surgery for his. So I knew enough to be dangerous. My doctor suggested a surgeon. I ignored him. Now I wonder how smart that was. I read up a lot on herniation surgery to find out that most of the time it only treated the symptoms. And that I had just as great a chance of being in pain after the surgery than I did before. The numbness had gone away and after a year of recovery so did the pain. 

A majority of the time I am perfectly good. I don't even have to baby my neck all that much. But every couple of months, particularly in periods of stress, the pain returns sometimes more vicious than the last. Today is bad. I could hardly move. Tomorrow I'm sure I'll be back at work, doped up on muscle relaxers and pain pills. But it does make me wonder. And grimace.