So when my little sister said let's go see David when he comes to Des Moines I jumped at the chance. She bought tickets for herself, me, my older sister, and my mom. It would be a girls night. I was geeking out all day thinking about getting a chance to see him. Now I've seen plenty of published writers read their work but no one that I absolutely adored as much as David Sedaris. Since I was already downtown I walked over to the restaurant we were going to, Azalea. Mmmmm. This place was fantastic. I had the lamb with pumpkin orzo and it made me weak in the knees it was so good.
We got to the Civic Center to find David already signing books in front. I stopped by to have my copy of "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim" signed before the show but they were no longer letting people into the line since the show was starting soon.
David came out to a quiet stage to read a chapter from his new book "Engulfed in Flames". It was great story covering three very different train trips he had taken. The audience was laughing hard. I was alternating between laughing and gasping. It's tough to sit next to your mother when the writer is telling some off-color jokes (part of the story).
His next story was a piece he had just written recently about his book tour. Some parts were so funny that I had tears rolling down my cheeks. Everyone in the audience was in stitches. David read a section from someone else's book, an author he was promoting that was hilarious. I'm going to have to pick up the book. After reading sections from his journal he opened it up to questions and was done. It was the largest applause I've ever heard for a writer and he deserved it. I had expected him to be shyer, or perhaps just stumble more. He was charming.
After the reading I lined up with the hundreds of people waiting to have their book signed. It was a seriously long line and a slow moving one. David spent time with everyone in that line. He asked questions about them, told stories, and generally was sweet. I stepped into line at about 9 when the performance ended. I texted Jeff to say that I would be home by 10:45.
As I stood in line I alternated between reading and thinking up witty and clever things to say when it was my turn. I ran through a ton of different things that needed to be said. Like "I love your work and thank you for writing." "You have such a wonderful voice in your stories." "Please be my mentor" (throwing myself on my knees). All of these things passed through my mind in the two hours I was in line. (yep you read that right. And I wasn't even the end of the line)
So when it was finally my turn I walked up. I had my name written on a piece of paper for him. He made a comment about my name, which I failed to follow up on. All of my best laid plans were gone. I stumbled, mumbling about how his hand had to hurt. He assured me he was fine. He drew me a funny cat inside my book, which is actually a very decent drawing. I answered questions about having a cat and what its name was. And then I stood there blankly, all thought out the window. I was a total fangirl, tongue tied and sweating. I politely thanked him, gathered my book and walked away. It was then of course that I remembered everything I had wanted to say. Things like "Thank you for writing. These stories are wonderful, touching but funny", "I've read all your books", or even "Great performance, you had tears rolling down my face". But all I said was that his hand must hurt, that he drew a better cat than I did, that I had a cat, and that I'd come with my sisters and mom. And of course I walked away thinking what a huge dork I am. Do you ever wish you could rewind time?
