Distraction

Work is hard
Distractions are plentiful
And Time is short

Adam Hochschild

I was reading a really interesting New York Times article about education recently. I was half way through the article when I decided that I knew what it was saying and moved on to a different article. Again I read half of the next and moved on. The initials TL:DR popped into my head. And that's when I knew I had a problem.

I hate the initials TL:DR, which stand for Too Long, Didn't Read. I hate them because of what they say about our society, about our loss of concentration. I should be able to read a 2 page article without getting impatient. If I can't concentrate for more than 5 minutes, that scares me. I shouldn't have to have my information fed to me in less than 140 characters. Heck, I shouldn't have information fed to me at all. I should actively seek it.

About three years ago I noticed that I'm losing my ability to focus, both when reading and in life in general. I'm struggling more with concentration, a vital part of learning. I jump from thought to thought.  It's more obvious at work, if I'm not interested in a topic. I just can't bring myself to think in-depth about things. It started slow, barely noticeable. I would put my book down after twenty minutes. I would grumble as I went to the second page of an article. Now I get impatient with a YouTube video that lasts more than 7 minutes. None of this is good for me. I want to create things in my life. I want to study and learn. I have to have both time and focus to do those things. So I'm going to pare down, get rid of some of those distractions that keep me from focusing. First to go: social media.

I won't be shutting down my Facebook page, like Jeff did, but I won't really be spending much time there. I feel guilty for that. I know that there will be birthdays that I'll miss, and celebrations that I won't know about. I know that I'll miss updates from friends but so much of Facebook lately seems to be recycled shared posts. I'll still probably check once a week or so just to see what each of my friends is up to, but I won't be responding. And I'm sorry for that. I'm weaning myself off Twitter, something that is harder than I expected. I'm even staying away from news sources like Huffington Post and Buzzfeed. I want to refocus, and those sites aren't geared towards focus.

I don't want to lose contact with people so I'll be focusing more on email in the future. I'll still check personal messages on Facebook. I'll try to stay in touch with people. And I'll hopefully be blogging more. I want to focus on writing. I want to study more. I'm hoping that dropping some of the distractions from my life, will let me focus more on personal connections, not just liking something you've shared from another person's page. As the quote above says, distractions are plentiful and life is short. I'm going to see how I use my time as I strip out those distractions. I may just waste it, but I'll be doing it in hopefully more constructive ways.

10 Minutes

I have the words "Ten Minutes" on the chalkboard above my bed. These two simple words have changed the way I see myself and life in general. For years I've had big plans of things I'm going to do. Books I'm going to write. Weight I'm going to lose. Skills I'm going to learn. But I always seem to get overwhelmed by how much work it takes to actually achieve these goals. And I always say that if I can't dedicate myself fully to my goal, than it's not worth even trying to achieve anything. In short, I give up. Pretty quickly.

The "10 minutes" idea came into my life after I started learning guitar. My father recommended practicing at least 10 minutes per day. Mostly because my fingers had not developed the strength or calluses needed. But I started thinking about how 10 minutes per day didn't seem like much. I could do that. I can do anything for that amount of time and I know I have at least ten minutes that I could spend each day. Each day I play, at least 10 minutes and most of the time longer. I've also started writing at least 10 minutes per day. Often longer, but at least those few minutes.

And I've realized that breaking my goals into small manageable chunks makes all the difference for me. I don't feel odd about writing when I'm only doing 10 minutes. I don't get self-conscious and stop writing. I don't worry about if the writing is award winning. I just fill those 10 minutes and by the time they are over, I'm normally full tilt into something I've been meaning to write. I've been strength training for at least 10 minutes a day. Everyone can strength train for ten minutes. In fact everyone can dedicated ten minutes to almost anything.

Suddenly things don't seem so insurmountable. I feel like I can achieve all sorts of things, in just 10 minutes per day. And those are minutes that I always feel I have available to spend. If I told myself that I'd be writing for an hour, my mind would say that I don't have that kind of time. I'd talk myself out of it before I even started. But my brain never balks at 10 minutes. I have that kind of time. And using this one little trick, this one little thought, I'm starting to feel better about those goals. Suddenly I might be able to achieve things.

Happy New Year!

I'm sitting in the middle of a messy house, eating chocolates left over from Christmas, and wondering what I'm going to resolve for 2013. I like New Years. I'm a fan of beginnings. They seem so filled with promise. And I love resolutions. Not accomplishing them really. Just thinking them up. I'm good at thinking them up. This year, I'm resolving to be more mindful. More awake. Oh and to blog more.

I've been on vacation for the last 10 days and much of it was spent with family. My older brother and his family came in town from Christmas day until that Friday. I spent Christmas Eve with my parents and then every day from Christmas up until Friday with my brother and his family. I was home on Friday, outside of meeting some friends for drinks. On Saturday, my little brother and his fiancee came into town. I spent Saturday night and all day Sunday with them. I had planned to spend part of the day yesterday with them but I woke up feeling odd. I wanted to hermit up. So I read all day yesterday. I read until past midnight, the kind of New Years that only I can get behind. I loved staying in while everyone else was out celebrating. It was wonderful.

Today I'm relaxing with a cup of tea. I spent part of the morning outside scraping ice from the driveway. I keep talking about buying a rowing machine to lose weight when all I really need is a shovel, an ice scraper, and some persistent ice. I worked for about 30 minutes with no luck. But I worked up quite the sweat. Now I'm catching up on my email, blogs, and planning out my 2013. I have plans I tell you. Big plans. Here's to a wonderful New Year! I hope you have a wonderful coming year filled with big plans and exciting things.

Poetry Tuesday

I was never much of a flirt until I got married. Suddenly I went from quiet shy introverted Cat to a much more outgoing version of myself. While I'm far from extroverted, I am willing to open up and put myself out there a bit more. I'm willing to step out of my comfort zone and meet people. And now I find myself thinking about all that time I wasted not flirting or talking. All that fear and uncertainty that was misplaced.

Andrew Marvell tries to talk his Mistress into bed in this bawdy poem. Like Robert Merrick's immortal call to "Gather Ye Rosebuds While Ye May" in his poem To The Virgins, To Make Much of Time, Marvell urges to seize the day (and the sheets). It's a good lesson for every part of life, not just sex. Time is short, make much of life.

To His Coy Mistress

by Andrew Marvell

Had we but World enough, and Time,
This coyness Lady were no crime.
We would sit down, and think which way
To walk, and pass our long Loves Day.
Thou by the Indian Ganges side.
Should'st Rubies find: I by the Tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood:
And you should if you please refuse
Till the Conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable Love should grow
Vaster then Empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine Eyes, and on thy Forehead Gaze.
Two hundred to adore each Breast.
But thirty thousand to the rest.
An Age at least to every part,
And the last Age should show your Heart.
For Lady you deserve this State;
Nor would I love at lower rate.
But at my back I alwaies hear
Times winged Charriot hurrying near:
And yonder all before us lye
Desarts of vast Eternity.
Thy Beauty shall no more be found;
Nor, in thy marble Vault, shall sound
My ecchoing Song: then Worms shall try
That long preserv'd Virginity:
And your quaint Honour turn to durst;
And into ashes all my Lust.
The Grave's a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.
Now therefore, while the youthful hew
Sits on thy skin like morning glew,
And while thy willing Soul transpires
At every pore with instant Fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our Time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapt pow'r.
Let us roll all our Strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one Ball:
And tear our Pleasures with rough strife,
Thorough the Iron gates of Life.
Thus, though we cannot make our Sun

Stand still, yet we will make him run.

Health Update

I promise not to do this every time I have a doctor's appointment. I'm sure that hearing about my recovery is about as exciting as watching a test cricket match for most of you (of course, for me that would be heaven). But this particular appointment was both exciting and depressing for me. And it's the news of the day for me, so I'm sharing.

So far everything seems to be healing well. My surgery wounds have healed enough that I can now start wearing a sock instead of the gauze and Ace wrap. That is huge because finally my toes are covered. As most of you know, I'm not a huge fan of cold. My toes go numb when they get too cold. They go white. It's not pretty or enjoyable. So being able to cover them with a stretchy sock (I can't fit a regular one yet) is a huge bonus for me. Secondly for the good news, I can start driving again. Since it's my left ankle, the doctor felt it was safe enough for me to start driving. Jeff has offered to continue to drive me on bad days but this finally gives me a bit of independence.

Now the bad news, or perhaps neutral news. He doesn't want to see me back for a month. That is both good news and bad news. It indicates that I'm healing steadily enough that he doesn't have to keep tabs on me. And I'll admit that the x-rays look pretty good. I do have one huge spike of a bone fragment that is shooting into the back of my leg but he says that won't be a problem. The bad part about this was that I was hoping to wean myself off the crutches in 8 weeks. I was kind of hoping that after six weeks he would say that I was doing so well I could start walking without the boot. Instead I won't even see him until it's been 9 weeks. That means at least five more weeks of boot and crutches. And then I would guess at least three more weeks of boot and crutch walking. Or maybe a cane. I hope to be start relearning to walk by April.

I shouldn't be frustrated. I'm healing well enough. I'll always have a scar and possibly a red stain on that ankle. But everything seems to be staying in line. I haven't had any real pain in that leg in a long time. I'm finally sleeping through the night again. All of these are things that only three weeks ago seemed impossible. I can also put 1/3 to 1/2 of my weight on my foot now. I'm more stable on the crutches. I'm also gaining some serious muscle in my arms. All in all I'm doing well. As I said before, I'm happy and sad about this doctor's appointment. Happy that I've been healing as well as I have, sad that it's been slower than I expected. But as I've learned over the last couple weeks, focus on the positive. It gets better every day.

Speed

When I was younger my mother would tell me that her years passed by faster the older she got. I was young and the days seemed to stretch on for eternity. So of course, I didn't believe her. I almost hoped for the years to go faster. I wanted to reach 13...16...18....21. I was ready to grow up and, at that time, time moved too slowly for me.


I started noticing it at 25. A subtle shift in time. A speeding up. And this last couple years I've really been feeling the speed. I know that my years have not actually sped up but with relativity they certainly feel quicker. This year has passed in a blur. With all the changes around the house I can hardly recognize who I was in January but it also feels like I blinked and missed most of the year. Each day (particularly the work days) seemed to drag but the weeks flew and the year passed me by way too quickly. It feels like only a couple weeks ago that it was summer. Now it's the end of the year.



So like each New Years before it I'll make my resolutions (should I be scared that they are almost always the same ones?) and watch the next year fly by. I'm hoping to actually get to some of those resolutions, particularly the weight and writing ones. I've made a deal with myself to lose 33 pounds this year (my 33rd one). I've also made a deal with myself to write everyday if only for 15 minutes. Now if I could only make a deal with myself to slow down time.

Clock image from Salvador Dali's The Persistence of Memory.