Optimism and Stupidity

I turned 35 today. Generally birthdays aren't a huge deal for me but for some reason this one is special. Turning 30 wasn't a big deal, but 25 and 29 were really hard. All of the birthdays between here and 30 haven't been anything special. But this birthday has been something different. I'm excited about this birthday. I've noticed that each year seems to get better. I'm at the age I always wanted to be. And now at 35 I really feel like things are going to begin for me. I'm stubbornly optimistic.

My day has been blissfully ordinary and I'm content with that. I had the day off as part of my odd work schedule so I slept in a little late. Jeff wished me Happy Birthday as he left to go to class. I stayed curled up under two blankets taking in the warmth. But I got up shortly after to make it to my dentist appointment. I don't normally schedule appointments like the dentist on my birthday but this was when he could get me in. And it feels like a new beginning. My mouth is clean and fresh and healthy (cavity-free!!) and I'm planning to make this year all about health. I plan to be lighter and healthier by my 36th birthday than I was this year.

I also plan to write more, and actually publish something during this year. As you can see I have high hopes for this year. 35 seems like a turning point, a crossroads if you will. And I'm determined that things will start going the right way. I set up my studio last night so all I have to do is show up each day and start writing. This afternoon as Jeff heads back to class I plan to head upstairs to write. I'm ready to have a little discipline in my life and hopefully the success will follow. Writing and walking will be my focus for the year. Did I mention I'm stupidly optimistic today?

I did though find some additional humility today. Jeff met me over at my favorite noodle place for a birthday lunch. We talked and ate our noodles and had a nice time. As we were leaving I reached in my pocket for my keys. They weren't there. I checked my coat pockets. I checked my purse. I checked everywhere again. No keys. As we got closer to the car I could hear it. It was still running. I had managed to leave my car in the parking lot, running and unlocked while I had lunch. I said a quick silent prayer to the gods of parking lots and thanked them for my car still being there. It could easily have been stolen. I should be kicking myself for my stupidity. Instead, today it just reaffirms my faith in humanity. Optimistic, I tell you. I'm just hoping that this wasn't a senior moment. I'm too young for those.

Poetry Friday

It's a beautiful day. The kind of beautiful summer day that makes you feel happy just to be alive. Everything feels infinite on a day like today and I'm caught up in the sheer joy of good weather. So of course I had to offer a Carpe Diem poem.

Barter
By Sara Teasdale

Life has loveliness to sell,
All beautiful and splendid things,
Blue waves whitened on a cliff,
Soaring fire that sways and sings,
And childrens's faces looking up
Holding wonder in a cup.

Life has loveliness to sell,
Music like a curve of gold,
Scent of pine trees in the rain,
Eyes that love you, arms that hold,
And for your spirit's still delight,
Holy thoughts that star the night.

Spend all you have for loveliness,
Buy it and never count the cost;
For one white singing hour of peace
Count many a year of strife well lost,
And for a breath of ecstacy
Give all you have been, or could be.

Poetry Friday

Last night I got to go hear the phenomenal poet Maya Angelou speak at Drake University. This is my second time seeing Maya and I'm always awed and inspired by her words. Her poem Phenomenal Woman was one of the ones I read over and over in college. I've loved her poetry and I've found her to be an inspiring teacher.

Last night she talked about the people who have been inspiring for her. Her rainbow in the clouds. She talked about how we can be that inspiration for others. How we need to connect with others and not be timid and that will allow our light to shine. It was an inspiring message but one that Maya mixed with humor. She really has a great sense of humor. As always I was stunned to be in her presence. And I think the rest of the over 7000 people felt the same way. When she walked into the room we all rose to our feet instantly, cheering and clapping. She is just an amazing woman.

I liked her message of hope and thought I would post one of my favorite poems of hers about hope, and about power.

Still I Rise
by Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.