Poetry Friday for an Anniversary

Jeff and I will be married 11 years tomorrow. In celebration of that fact we are traveling, our favorite thing in the entire world. He mentioned it to me Wednesday as a possibility and within five minutes we had a hotel booked and were ready to go.

We travel well together. And I think that says something. We both enjoy the slow unfolding of the road before us. We spend our time talking, watching for wildlife, and finding images in the clouds. We take the backroads, passing through tiny towns and by huge farms. And that fits us well.

We're both quiet people. We enjoy the slower pace of life. Our relationship is a slow burning incense rather than a quick fiery match. We are the best of friends and good partners. We are both sure that we don't deserve the other. And I completely adore him. I love you my dear. This is for you.

i carry your heart
by e. e. cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Big Round Numbers

In May of 2008 I started a blog with the idea of sharing what I was interested in. I wrote about whatever struck my fancy, and still do. At the time I had two readers, my sister and my friend Josh. I didn’t go around making the blog public and I certainly didn’t do any marketing of it (still don’t, I’m terrible at marketing myself). What I did do was make a promise to myself that I would try to be consistent with it. I’ve tried to write at least four days a week. Some weeks it happens, some weeks it doesn’t.

And in those two years I can track my history. I know what was going on in my life on those days. I read back and remember parts of my life that I forgot about, magic moments, tough times, interesting ideas, and current obsessions. And they are fascinating to me. I’ve been pretty blessed throughout all this.

But what makes me really blessed is that my two early readers are still there, still reading but now there are a number of others that have joined them. Some of you are friends that I’ve known for years that are willing to put up with my rambling. Some of you found me through other blog mentions and have stayed. Some of you have become friends through this blog. And I’m blessed because of all of you. You are what keep me writing. I’ve wanted to offer you something new every day. I’ve wanted to let you know about what fascinates me. I’ve wanted to share parts of my life and you’ve been wonderfully accepting. You’ve read, you’ve shared your knowledge with me, and you’ve been supportive and amazing.

Today is my 500th post. We always seem to celebrate the big round numbers and I’m pretty happy with this one. Five hundred times I’ve sat down and wrote about something. Some of the posts were good and I’m proud of those. Some of them were silly or rambling. Some were just plain bad. And some of them were hard to write. But you guys were there and I knew that. For 500 entries, you’ve been a part of my life. And for that I Thank You.

In honor of my 500th post, I’m taking a bit of a break. As you may or may not know I’ll be traveling next week and won’t have access to a computer. So sadly there will be no posting for at least the week. But when I come back I’ll have plenty of pictures and excitement to share. I hope you all will stick around.

For Jeff

Ten years ago today, Jeff and I got married. When I think about the number of years it seems like forever, but it feels like it has gone by in a flash. It hasn't and last night Jeff and I sat down to think about all the things that have changed in our lives since that day, a full decade ago. I was 22 year old, fresh out of college and he was 24, young enough that we still had problems renting a car for our honeymoon. We have gone through multiple jobs, multiple homes, multiple returns to school, and many fabulous vacations. We've been together through thick and thin. And I love him.

I tried this morning to find a poem (since it is Poetry Friday) that told him everything I wanted to say. But nothing really works. Poetry tends to be about new love, new lust, attraction. Not ten-year old love. Not love that has lived together for almost 4000 days. Not love that has grown comfortable with itself. I thought about that on my way to work this morning. And came up with this. Not good, not really even workable, but my feelings nonetheless.

I was young,
certainly way too young
for walking down an aisle in white.
A fairy tale moment,
of Cinderella finding her prince.
Trembling with love,
and lust,
and promises that had yet been spoken.
And you were young,
young enough that you seemed unfazed
by words like "I do" and "forever".
Barely a man, in tux and tails.
I was white, and pearls, and heels
and I was in love.

I stood this evening in jeans,
t-shirt, flip-flops,
A smear of ink on one of my cheek.
Champagne replaced by coffee.
Momentous replaced by mundane,
A life of mornings and evenings
often the same.
Ten years on and the pearls are gone.
But without the momentous,
without the artifice,
without the heels and parties and thrills,
I find I love you far more than I did,
the day we married.
And I have to wonder if the fairy tales were false.
Love is not one instant flash of passion
Real love is a gathering of days.

Like an Old Shoe

The phrase "comfortable, like an old shoe" has been in my mind a lot lately. Mostly because Jeff and I celebrate nine years together today. When I've used the phrase to describe my marriage a lot of people take offense. They say that I should use more passionate terms. That the term seems to dismiss the marriage. I couldn't disagree more. Strangely the only two people who don't seem offended by this phrase are Jeff and I.

My ideal afternoon lately is to come home from work tired (because I always come home from work tired) and have Jeff and I decide where to go for dinner. Staying in is rarely an option for us, since we both hate to cook. We find a quiet tasty restaurant and go out to dinner. Talking about the day or whatever we have read or found online. A glass of wine and a good meal and suddenly I'm feeling better. That's when the comfortable part kicks in.

After dinner we...go home. And he turns on the computer and plays for most of the evening while I stretch out on the couch and either read or write. And occasionally he'll laugh about something and I'll ask him what it was. Or I'll read something interesting to him. Most people would find this boring. I find it comfortable. I get to do the things I want to do and he gets to do the things he wants to do, and we share the parts that are important.

I've always been comfortable around Jeff. Doors stay open all the time in my house. In fact that cat has no idea what to do when we have company and have to close the doors. We are ourselves around each other. And can be ourselves. Home with Jeff is "off" time. I don't have to worry about being interesting or fun or smart. I can just do what I want. Jeff has always said that the thing he loves most about me is that I let him be himself. We're comfortable, like an old shoe.

So baby, here's to you. And hopefully nine more years of comfort.