Recurrent Corneal Erosion

I can't believe I'm writing this, but I'm becoming fearful about falling asleep. Bad things happen when I fall asleep. I'm living on less than five hours a night lately. For the last three weeks I've been waking up every hour or every other hour and going back to sleep just praying that I get to the next wake-up. At least get to the next wake-up without pain.

Three times in the last two weeks I've woken up with severe pain, tearing, and the feeling that there is something in my eye. I know what it is. I know that it's not something in my eye but the explanation might be worse. Each time I wake up that way I'm hurting my cornea. I have Recurrent Corneal Erosion, which stems from my cut back in March. Knowing the damage that is being done actually makes it worse.

I've bought three different types of eye drops in the last three weeks and just broke down to buy an eye ointment this evening. The drops help a bit. But not every night. So I'll try the ointment tonight to see if that works. Each time I buy something I hope that it works and that I won't have to go back to the eye doctor to get further treatment. Mostly because so many of the treatments that are tried for RCE only occasionally work. I wore a contact for three weeks without luck. I'm sure I'll wear one again for longer with the hope that will work. I'd have to think long and hard about the surgery.

I'll go to see the doctor again soon. But I'm waiting until the end of the week when I have the days off. I know I'm not doing a lot of permanent damage to my eyes which means that it's not an emergency. Some people live with RCE for years. I just hope that it's not the case for me. Until then I hope that ointment will at least allow me to sleep without fear. I know the cause, and knowing helps in a way, but it doesn't help with the anxiety. Here's hoping for a good night sleep tonight and calm eyes this morning.

Jinxing Myself

I guess it's all a matter of what we pay attention to, but I keep noticing that this blog jinxes me. In December 2009, I wrote about how the moon on New Years Eve would not only be full but a blue moon. I wondered aloud if it was an omen. Two days later I was lying on my back in the emergency room, cradling a fractured ankle.

This past week I wrote an article about eyes, particularly the beauty of pupils. Today I'm sitting on the couch dealing with eye pain. I woke up on Monday morning with pain. I've had it on and off since I cut my eye in March. But the pain on Monday didn't go away like it normally does. So I went back to the eye doctor (third time since January) and he diagnosed the pain. Apparently my cut had never healed properly and I was doing regular damage to my cornea. He fitted me with a bandage contact lens and sent me home with antibiotics. I'll be wearing the lens for about a month.

The contact might be worse than the pain I was having before but I'm trying to be good. It's only been 28 hours I keep telling myself. But my lovely iris is covered and a tad cloudy behind the contact. The rest of my eye is bright red. And I just want it to stop being irritated. I'm whiny and unproductive. Poor Jeff has had to deal with me whining about my eyes since March. And so far it doesn't seem to be going away. But I guess I should count my blessings. It could be worse. But I'm not going to say how...just in case.

The Eyes Have It

In the last year I found a collection of photographs by Suren Manvelyan of animal eyes. These incredible macro shots showed both the incredibly diversity of eyes but more fascinating to me, the structure of the iris. I've always taken for granted that the iris was simply a solid color. But as I looked at the images I realized that there are gaps in the iris, there are color changes. Honestly there is nothing solid about them. 

Chimpanzee eye (very close to a human eye)

Since then I've become fascinated with my eyes. I've started checking out Jeff's eyes. I would be fascinated with other people's eyes but they might find it disconcerting when I get close enough to examine their irises in detail. And although I don't have the skills that Manvelyan has with macro shots, I've taken some images of both Jeff and my irises. 

These are mine. Note the gaps on the left side of the iris. Note the way each strand of iris goes into the dark pupil in the middle. It looks more like a hole than any solid structure.

This is Jeff's eye. Notice the color changes. Jeff has eyes that fluctuate between blue and green (at least in my mind). I love the center green surrounded by the light blue. I didn't do any color touching for this photo. 

This photo was something fun. I took a horrible shot of Jeff's eye. The flash was still on and the photo was too bright to be useful. Until I started playing with it in iPhoto. I changed the contrasts and what I have is more artistic. But even more interesting it really shows those gaps in the iris. They now show up as pure black against the white of the iris. And I love the odd color of the pupil 

Make sure you check out the rest of Suren Manvelyan's gallery here. I promise you these will be some of the most interesting and beautiful photographs that you'll see all week. I guarantee that you've never seen eyes like those photos before. They made me rethink how eyes work. I loved these last two the most (gecko above and llama below). 

Accidents

I'm writing this post through tears. I have a box of tissues right at my side and I'm using them. Not because I'm sad but because I managed to cut my eye this afternoon and it won't stop hurting or tearing up. I was opening a ziploc bag this afternoon with one hand. So I clutched the other end in my teeth. At least until it slipped and cut straight across my eyeball. I said some very choice words and instantly pull my hand over my eye. When I could see through the tears I realized that I still had my sight so no need to go to the ER. But the recovery is a tad frustrating. Every time I move my eyeball it hurts. Every time I blink it hurts. And every time it tears up, my nose starts to run.

That got me thinking about accidents and injuries. I've spent most of my life worrying about accident. Things that could go wrong to get me injured. I stress about car accidents, plane crashes, and falls. I've worried about every type of injury possible it seems like. But I've realized that the things that do go wrong, most often aren't things that you think about. I could never have predicted I'd cut my eye on a bag. I never would have guessed most of the injuries that have happened to me in life. Accidents are just that. Things that go wrong that you wouldn't even begin to prepare for. And that makes me wonder why I worry. Unless it's about ziploc bags, my new enemy.

Here's Looking at You

So I have to share my scary story for the new year. I went to the eye doctor on Friday. Not the optometrist that I've been seeing to have my prescription changed, the "I think there might be an issue" ophthalmologist. I haven't been to my ophthalmologist in probably 10 years or so. My eyes had been good, only some minor prescription changes and I figured I was doing fine. Then Christmas rolled around. 

Jeff and I spent Christmas Eve with my parents, having dinner and just visiting. As we sat around the living room I decided that it was the perfect night to build a fire (they have a great woodburner that I love). So I wandered out into the dark backyard to get some wood. I found the woodpiles without too much trouble although it was dark. As I was bending over gathering the twigs, suddenly I saw a flash of light. A bright round flash of light. Like a circle in my field of vision. My eyes were open. I closed them and saw the same round glowing circle. 

Now I know what flashing lights in the eye mean. They mean a potential for a retinal tear. My mother had issues with flashers. My aunt had issues with flashers. Both had surgery to correct the issue. So a flashing light, no matter what shape is serious. This flash of light caught my breath. I was shaken. I went inside and pretended that nothing had happened though. I waited. And then I didn't say anything the next day. But each time I was in a dark place I would see the ring. Finally, right after the new year I was freaked out enough to make an appointment. On Friday I went in and had a complete work-up. Full dilation, full exam. He even did some specialized tests. Nothing. Absolutely nothing wrong. I can relax.

For those of you who know me, you know how scary this was for me. For the rest of you, I'll explain. I was born with a defect. A stray artery (called the hyaloid artery) that was supposed to disappear when I was born, didn't disappear. Instead it stretched and ripped a hole in the back of my eye, right at my retina. I have a retinal detachment, in a relatively bad spot. The tear took with it my central vision. I have good peripheral but no central vision at all. What that means is that I'm legally blind in that eye. The ring I was seeing was in my other eye (the good eye). If that one had detached I wouldn't be typing this. I wouldn't be able to read it. I would be legally blind. Not completely blind but enough to change my life forever, in a bad way. I would have to learn braille. I wouldn't be able to drive. I wouldn't be able to do my job. 

And that scared me. I thought about how hard it would be to not be able to just pick up any book I want. I thought about how hard it would be to not see what I was writing. I thought about how hard it would be to get around without being able to drive. As I type this I close my good eye and see how well it would go. The red line under my misspelling doesn't even show up in my vision. Easy writing would be a thing of the past. All that said I know that there are people out there who are completely blind and they lead normal happy otherwise healthy lives. I know that I'm blessed with this one eye, that has done double duty since I was born. I know that my story came out good and I'm healthy. I still see the ring but I'm not as worried. But for a moment I was, and because of it, I treasure the sight that I have all the more. 

Sight, Unseen

I promise that tonight I will post the rest of the information about the trip. I had planned to last night but as I was leaving work I called a friend that I hadn't talked to in way too long. He and I ended up on a wonderful two and a half hour conversation that ran me right until dinner. I made up a quick veggie wrap and some fruit and then right after I finished eating Jeff offered me the chance to get to the library. I've been trying to go all week so I couldn't pass it up.

So tonight I'll post about Skagway and Glacier Bay and we'll be finished with Alaska. I have a ton of amazing pictures from Glacier Bay. It will be tough to choose between them. But I also have other plans tonight as well. Over the weekend Jeff and I went out driving. We spent a lot of time on gravel roads just getting lost and seeing what we could see. We stopped in Winterset (Birthplace of John Wayne) and shopped their square. I found my favorite bakery of all time, The Madison County Dessert Factory, and one of the coolest shops I've ever been in, Le Collage. I bought a wonderful steampunk key necklace. I'll post pictures of that tonight. But mostly we just drove. And as we drove we looked for birds and wildlife.

Madison County Desssert Factory (Photo from KCCI)

Jeff is amazing at spotting hawks and other wildlife and I tend to be a little slow to finally see what he's pointing at (There goes that career as a wildlife photographer). But this weekend he put me to the test. Not only did I have problems seeing the birds but I had issues seeing the street signs as well. I couldn't read license plates that he could see easily. I couldn't make out billboards from a distance. And we both decided it was time to get my eyes checked.

I haven't had new glasses in almost a decade so I would not be surprised if my eyes have changed substantially. I bought these glasses shortly before our trip to Disneyworld in 2004. Six years is a long time in the world of glasses. I've noticed that I've had to squint far more to read things well. I've lost most of the leaves off the trees into just a mass of moving green. So tonight I'm heading in to have my eyes checked and to possibly get a new pair of glasses. I'm excited. Glasses are a treat, a once in a blue moon type of purchase. And I'm always shocked by how well I see after a new pair.

I still remember the first pair I put on. I had worn glasses for protection since I was six months (stupid bad eye) but right before my first year of high school, my parents realized that I needed glasses for sight. I found glasses I liked and I can still vividly remember the first time I walked out the door with them. I was shocked to see that the trees had individual leaves. That houses had individual shingles. I simply couldn't see them before. So here's hoping that is the case tonight. I'm excited about the new glasses but I'm really excited to be able to see clearly again. I'll let you know.

I Should Have Been a Pirate

When I was very young I wanted to be a pirate. I was, and still am, drawn to the sea and sailing. I loved the idea of living it up on some far away island. I was a bit too young to understand the risks of death that went along with being a pirate. Or the miserable living conditions. Or even the concept that it may not have been the fun romanticized version I read in books or saw in movies. It didn't matter that I didn't want to kill people or steal things. I wanted to be a pirate.

And I did have something that seemed perfect for the job. I had an eyepatch. Not the standard costume eyepatch with a skull and crossbones on the front (although now I would proudly wear that). No, I actually had an eyepatch for medical reasons. The same reason I've worn glasses since I was six month old. (yes they make them that small). I had the eyepatch and the glasses because I only have one good eye.

After I was born my mother noticed that one of my eyes would be looking at her, and the other would be looking off towards something else. She immediately made an appointment with an eye doctor and we ended up getting sent to Iowa City to an eye specialist. He found the problem quickly. I have a huge hole in the back of my eye. Kind of makes it hard to see with that big hole blocking things up. And the reason my bad eye drifts is because I don't actually look out of it much. They immediately bought me protective glasses which I took great pains to destroy. I was such a grateful child. (when I'm really tired or not paying attention, my eye still drifts quite a bit)

Now I can see somewhat out of that eye. I have peripheral vision but no central vision. If I lose my good eye I have to learn braille. I wouldn't be able to drive. I'd be legally blind. I was protected constantly through my childhood. I was told not to do things that my other brothers and sisters got to do for fear that I'd "put out an eye". I was fourteen before I climbed my first tree. Yeah I know, sad. But then again, without good depth perception, I might have had problems with the tree anyway.

The doctor wanted to make sure that I still used my bad eye though. So I was prescribed an eyepatch. I was to wear the patch around at home over my good eye to strengthen the bad one. I wore it for a while until I learned to read. Then all bets were off. I couldn't read with the thing on so I immediately stopped it. But even at that age I'd proudly say that I had one...and that I was a pirate.

I mention all this because I was reading BBC news on Friday and found an article about retinal detachments (which is what I have) particularly those affecting central vision. There is a new type of therapy called eccentric viewing which can allow some people with no central vision to learn to read. And I think I'm going to try it. I read a little on the program over the weekend and was really excited about it. The therapy teaches you to read using your peripheral vision. It also teaches you to look through the vision field that offers you the best image. This therapy could be huge for me. This could offer me the chance to feel a little more normal when it comes to sight. It may even tighten up that eye so it drifts a little less. I might become a little less protective of my good eye. Or at least not have to worry about learning braille. But more than anything it offers me a chance to dust off that old eyepatch. Arggh. I'm a pirate. :-)