Accidents

I'm writing this post through tears. I have a box of tissues right at my side and I'm using them. Not because I'm sad but because I managed to cut my eye this afternoon and it won't stop hurting or tearing up. I was opening a ziploc bag this afternoon with one hand. So I clutched the other end in my teeth. At least until it slipped and cut straight across my eyeball. I said some very choice words and instantly pull my hand over my eye. When I could see through the tears I realized that I still had my sight so no need to go to the ER. But the recovery is a tad frustrating. Every time I move my eyeball it hurts. Every time I blink it hurts. And every time it tears up, my nose starts to run.

That got me thinking about accidents and injuries. I've spent most of my life worrying about accident. Things that could go wrong to get me injured. I stress about car accidents, plane crashes, and falls. I've worried about every type of injury possible it seems like. But I've realized that the things that do go wrong, most often aren't things that you think about. I could never have predicted I'd cut my eye on a bag. I never would have guessed most of the injuries that have happened to me in life. Accidents are just that. Things that go wrong that you wouldn't even begin to prepare for. And that makes me wonder why I worry. Unless it's about ziploc bags, my new enemy.

The Risk of Cables

I'm a non-risk taker by nature. I'm not a fan of failing so I tend to be slow to try things. And I often overthink things, meaning that more often than not I won't even try things because I'll decide that they are too difficult before I even start. It's a flaw that I keep working to overcome. My hobbies are no exception. I'm slowly learning a lesson about knitting. For years I've been overcautious in my knitting. I work on projects where I know most of what I'm doing. I like projects that are mostly mindless knitting. I've learned a lot over the years but I tend to stay mostly within my comfort zone.

In October I taught a friend how to knit. He was visiting and had been interested in trying so on the day before he left, I taught him the basic knit stitch. He went home and worked on his first scarf. Then he got bored and knit a little hat for his niece. Then some mittens. Then a belt. Then a cowl. Then...you get the idea. He taught himself how to bind off, how to purl, how to yarn over. In six months he's tried techniques that I hadn't tried within the the first three years of knitting. I'm a bit in awe of how willing he is to take risks and how good of a knitter he's become.

And I'm learning that nothing in knitting is as hard as I make it out to be. I learned how to make tiny fingers for a sackboy doll I made. I learned how to pick up stitches for mittens. I learned that I can read some pretty scary looking patterns. And this week I learned my holy grail of knitting, cabling. I had been terrified to cable for years. I just didn't think I would understand it so I didn't try it. This week I started this cowl which happens to have some cabling. It took me a bit of coaxing from Jeff but now I can say I know how to cable. And it's way easier than I thought it would be. Everything in knitting is easier than it sounds. That's my lesson. It may take me a few times to get things, but everything is learnable. It's a good lesson for knitting...and really for life. Everything is learnable.

Weltanschauung

Generally if I don't know what a word means I'll read it in context and see if I can figure it out from there. I'm not a huge "let's go to the dictionary" person, although that would certainly increase my vocabulary. I can sometimes figure out the latin roots of a word and that will help me understand it, but I'm not likely to spend a ton of time digging. English would be a far easier language if I learned Latin.

But this past week a German word sent me to the dictionary. Weltanschauung appeared in a book I was reading and I marked it with a book dart to research. See even then I don't go to the dictionary right away. I did after I finished the book though. Weltanschauung translates to "world wide view". It is the fundamental way that we view everything that happens in the world. For the last couple days I've been trying to figure out my weltanschauung. I suspect I'm a glass half empty kind of person but I'm not sure I want to see myself that way.

Publicly I tend to be a very optimistic person. I've had people tell me that I'm one of the more positive people they've met. And most of the time I do believe that things will work out for the best. But privately I'm a worrier (I get that from my mother). I waste a significant amount of time worrying about things that most likely will never happen. And in those moments I'm certainly not "the glass is half-full" type.

The author I was reading mentioned that his weltanschauung was that people were essentially good and that each day had a chance to be amazing. I will agree that I believe each day has the possibility to be great. The dawn offers a chance to change my life and change the world. But somewhere deep there is a worry. I appreciate all of the kindness I see around me. I believe that many people are like me, wanting to do good. I believe that there is more human goodness than badness. But there is still a part of me that watches and sees a breakdown of civility. Or a general indifference that nags at me. I can't read the news without testing my faith in human goodness. And when it comes to the animal issues that I'm so passionate about I become a complete pessimist.

Perhaps I'm oversimplifying a very complex weltanschauung. I do believe in human goodness. And most of the time I believe that we are heading in the right direction. I see little random acts of kindness all around me. I see friends who have other's best interests at heart. I believe that it is possible to make a difference (most days, don't catch me on my bad days). And when it comes down to it I don't know if anyone could say that they have a straight forward weltanschauung. We all have little half-empty, half-full sides of ourselves. Or maybe that's just me. And that's okay too.

House sitter extraordinare

So I'm house sitting this week for two people. I didn't realize when I accepted the first that I would have the second to think about too. At least neither of them require staying over. The first is for my parents. And that tends to be pretty easy lately. Pick up the paper, water dad's plants twice a week, and fill mom's birdfeeders. Not too difficult. I normally stop by on my way home from work. 

The other is for a neighbor of mine and this one proves to be a little more stressful. It's not that the place requires any real work, and her cats are very easy to take care of. No the stress comes from the facts that these are old cats. Old as in 16 and 18. The 18 year old feels like skin and bones. He's a loving kitty but I keep expecting him to fall over any minute. It makes me very nervous. I'm not all that comfortable with responsibility for other living things. Hell I worry about my cat's mental well-being. As I write this I'm sitting outside so the cat can enjoy some supervised outdoor time. Yeah she's spoiled. 

So I will spend the rest of the week and into next worrying about the cats. I'm sure I will check in on them so regularly that Jeff rolls his eyes. I can't help it. I'm a worrier. Particularly when something is in my care. Another good reason for me not to have kids. I would spend my entire life worrying about their physical and mental well-being. I would truly never have a moment's peace. 

(By the way, as I'm sitting outside the hummingbirds are coming regularly to the feeder. I'm sitting not ten feet from the thing and they just stop by perch and drink.) 

Now I am a great housesitter. I tend to take extra good care of things simply because I don't want anything to happen on my watch. We'll see how I do with this week though. Two might be more then my tiny little worrywart brain can handle.