Hiking, Beauty, and Shock

This weekend has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Stress was the name of the game on Friday. I had a project for work that I had been working on slowly for an outside client. Outside requests always end up being back-burner requests to staff requests and I hadn't had a lot of time for this one. So I was shocked when Friday morning I got an email from the requester saying that they needed an answer that day. I bought myself a pop upstairs and buckled down. I have to admit I was sweating it. But I was able to get it done. Just in time to go home and set up for my bridge party. The party at least went well. But the last minute cleaning was stressful. 

Saturday was perfect. One of those days in October that you can't believe aren't early September. The weather was beautiful and I decided that we simply couldn't stay inside. I conned Jeff into going hiking with me. Right before we were heading out the door my older sister called to see if we wanted to go hiking. We ended up meeting at Saylorville Reservoir, after some mild road issues, and walked through the mud and woods in what turned out to be one of the more enjoyable hiking treks I've taken in a while. We crossed brush filled ravines, sinking sands, and scaled bluffs. We topped it all off with margaritas and mexican food for lunch. A perfect day. 

Sunday was a great day until about half an hour ago. We had a late breakfast at IHOP, and then settled into some serious World of Warcraft playing. The wind howled outside, gusting to up to 50 miles and hour. It even took out some power lines. But we played, for most of the afternoon and I finally hit 70. The magical level that is as high as I can go. I can now start instancing with the rest of the guild. 

After I reached eye strain I did laundry, cleaned the house, and went through the forty or so magazines that I needed to weed through. I looked through travel magazines and pulled out pages of places I wanted to go. I pulled out pictures that intrigued me. And I pulled out articles that I will (at some point) read. And as I was going through I noticed a strange humming sound coming from outside my window. I looked outside to find an ambulance parked at my neighbor's house down the way. I thought about going out and then figured I would just be in the way. But my neighbor Jeanne called me, shortly after. 

I guess one of my neighbors killed herself this weekend. I'm in utter shock. Now the woman had been unemployed for a long time, she had suffered an injury that caused her constant pain, and she was dealing with a frustrating lawsuit that she filed. So I'm not sure why I'm shocked but I am. And now I can't help but think that I could have done something. This is not a neighbor I was friendly with but perhaps something would have helped. I've been blessed in my life with a feeling that nothing (that I've encountered so far) could make me want to commit suicide. It seems like such a permanent solution to temporary problems. But then again I've been blessed. And I don't really know how to deal with this. I'm shocked and saddened and in some ways a little guilty. I just can't shake the feeling that I had this great weekend (even with the news that I didn't get two of the jobs I applied for) but she had a terrible one. One that caused her to take a step that can't be undone. I'm blessed is all that I can think. I'm blessed with an incredible husband, a wonderful family, great friends, and my health. This is a reminder for me, and  hopefully for others, to remember how lucky we can be. Any day alive is far better than....well I don't even want to imagine that.