Blame Jack Gantos

A month ago or so when I stopped writing the blog I mentioned that I was doing a lot more creative writing. Journal writing in particular. At the time I talked about my beautiful fountain pen that I've been overworking. I talked about enjoying the feel of paper. I'm sure I even mentioned how journaling keeps me sane. But I know I didn't talk about my greatest influence that got me back into creative writing (although stopped my blogging for a while), Jack Gantos.

I picked up Joey Pigza Swallowed the Key by Jack Gantos on a whim. The cover artwork was originally off-putting but I had heard good things. So I picked it up. One morning I sat down with a pot of coffee and the book and didn't stop reading until I was finished. I'd never heard a voice that fresh. Joey, the narrator, jumped off the page. He was quirky and confidential and I loved him. He's an amazing character, honest and messed-up. And the writing was so fresh. I devoured the book. Then I started learning more about the man who created it.

The interviews I read or listened to with Jack were all about journals. Jack has been journaling regularly since he was young. Almost all of his novels have come out of those journals in some way or another. I'm jealous. In a moment of madness 10 years ago I tossed all of my journals up to that point. I still regret that. Jack describes writing as "blue-collar work" and keeps a very dedicated writing schedule. And I found that inspiring. Not only have I been reading through all his books, but I've started journaling daily. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday I stop at the library on the way home from work for 40 minutes or so of writing. On Saturday and Sundays I sit down in the early morning hours with my coffee and  my notebook to write. I'm not sure what all will come out of it book-wise, but I know that I feel more productive, more creative, and certainly saner.

I'm about half finished with Jack's oeuvre and have not been disappointed by a single one. I laughed until I cried at sections of Jack's Black Book. I was horrified and worried through Hole in My Life, Jack's memoir of being in prison. He has a unique voice that I haven't read before. But it's his habits that got me thinking. I found him inspiring, in terms of his teaching and as an example. And because of that inspiration I have been doing more of my own work. And for that I thank him.

It's Not an Obsession...

It's more of a compulsion.

I have a confession to make. I'm Cat and I am a journal addict. I just keep buying them. Jeff rolls his eyes whenever we pass a stationary store. He knows we're going in and that it will cost us a bit more money. I have almost an entire bookshelf filled with blank journals. And I just can't stop buying them. Every time I pass a cute journal I feel a need to have it.

I have probably well over 50 blank journals. I honestly haven't counted. I think I'm afraid to know. I've been slowly filling them but it's nowhere near the pace I purchase them at. The image above is just a very small selection. I buy all different kinds: spiral bound, leather bound, composition books.... I tend towards journals with fun images on the covers but I've been known to buy a nice plain one too. The awesome Know Your Zombies journal was a birthday gift from my little sister. She wanted something beautiful and timeless. So I got this. It's awesome. She even inscribed her favorite quotes on some of the pages. It is one of my favorite gifts ever. I cried while looking through it. That's hard to say that with a Know Your Zombies journal but it was really one of the best things I've ever received. I'm thinking of using it for quotes. Thanks Sis! I love it!

The journal with the keys on it is the one I'm working in now. It's so short that I'll probably fill it within the month. And I'm sure I'll find one that I simply can't live without this month. I apparently need to write more. Or find some good blinders.

Notebook Heaven

I can sometimes think of myself as a technologically savvy person. Many of my coworkers ask me for technical help and I figure I know enough to be somewhat dangerous. But in comparison to most of the people I know, I'm pretty low on the tech scale. I can't build my own computer, I can't write code, and I'm still trying to master simple things like html. So for others I'm considered tech wise, and for others I'm still very much learning. So it's strange to say that when it comes to writing, I'm something of a luddite. I've been writing in paper journals for decades now and am not planning to give up the practice anytime soon. My mother was trying to talk me into buying a iPad for my journaling (strange since she doesn't ever use the computer or really know how to turn it on). But I'm stubborn on this point. If I'm not handwriting my journal I'm typing it on an old manual typewriter. It's just how I roll. :-)

This morning I picked up my purse to head out the door and realized that I probably have at least 10 pounds of stuff in it. No wonder my neck hurts lately. And I did an inventory before I left the house. I carry a notebook for journaling. It's nothing fancy, in fact I bought it at Target. It has owls on it and I feel okay writing any crap I can think of into it. I don't feel like my writing has to be good to live up to a beautiful journal. Next to that journal I have my food journal. This is where I write down what I eat and how many calories it has. Next to that is my day planner. I have the Sierra club, weekly calendar that I've been using to track my personal appointments. And when I've been good at keeping my calories down I add a sticker for the day. So for those of you keeping track at home, that's three notebooks. But I'm sadly not done yet.

I also have started carrying a sketchbook. I'd been doodling in my journaling notebook but the lines and the thinness of the paper annoys me. So I happened to be at Walgreens and grabbed an inexpensive sketchbook. I have my pencil and click eraser tucked into the spiral binding so everything is ready when I want it. And lastly I have a tiny little notebook, not much larger than the palm of my hand, that I use to write down things I want to remember. Quotes I've heard, book and movie recommendations, artists I like, pretty much anything that comes to mind that isn't long enough for a journal article. This one is a tiny little spiral bound notebook with a penguin on it (did I mention I'm a small child at heart?). And of course the rest of my purse is dedicated to those things that I actually need to carry around with me: keys, phone, wallet.

So if I've been wondering why my purse is so heavy lately, that is the reason. I have five different notebooks that I carry with me. I should consolidate them down. I should journal in my sketchbook or write my notes in the planner. I should use the food journal as my day planner. Than I would only have two journals. But the sad part is that I like having all these things. I like having different journals for different things. I know that an iPhone or Blackberry would take care of most of these for me. But I can't come around to that mentality. Writing-wise I'm a luddite. Plus if I moved to an electronic gadget, what would I do with all those fun and pretty journals I keep buying? And I can't stop buying those, can I? :-)

Reason to Write

Two things came together for me today to get me thinking about why I write this blog. It is similar to keeping a journal but as I told my sister at lunch today, it is an incomplete journal at best. I keep two journals. One is this blog, which has some of the things I find interesting told in little essay form. I try to keep it light and slightly informative. Then I also keep a personal journal on paper. This one gets all the things that I'm not really ready to tell the world.

I've been having a discussion with a friend about blogging and I mentioned today that I write because I'm terribly shy and a terrible speaker. When I get excited or nervous I tend to stutter and trip on my words. I can't always get a coherent thought out. So writing has always offered me the chance to revise before sending my words out. Ever said something aloud and then wished you could take it back. With this I can. For good or for bad.

The other thing that got me thinking was a book I bought at lunch today. My little sis and I went to Lucca, my favorite lunch place. And then we stopped in a stationary store afterwards and I found a book. Stationary stores are bad for me. (no self-control. Think hardware stores for some men) This book is the 1000 journals project. www.1000journals.com A thousand journals are sent out into the world. The receivers write, doodle, paste things in them and when they are full, send them back to the person who sent it/dropped it.

And all I could think was, what a fantastic idea. And then I started thinking about what I would put into mine. And would I be brave enough to send it back? My current journal is a mixture of emotions, silly doodles, poems, drawing attempts (too bad to show), and creative writing starts. And none of that is shared. Not even with Jeff sometimes. And I have to wonder why.

How much do we censor as we go through day to day life? I censor my words before I speak them. I censor my writing before I post it. I even sometimes censor my own thoughts.

So I'm going to start keeping a journal. And I will try to make it as public as possible. This is a scary thing for me. I've never been good at sharing myself. My few attempts at submitting poems for publishing have been nerve-wracking experiences. We'll see how it goes.

Now this has a downside for you my few faithful readers. You may be seeing more of me than you want. Terrible drawings, horrible poems, and even some basic journaling. And for all of that, I'm sorry.