Losing and Living

I'm back! Hopefully for good. I decided I needed to step away from the blog world for a while after I changed jobs. As you probably know I moved into a new section of the office a couple of weeks ago and was trying to get adjusted. The new office came with a window, a new team, and a whole host of new duties. I took the week to settle into my spot on the team. But I didn't have long to be settled.

I started with the new group on Friday. The next Thursday one of my team members, and a close, close friend passed away. He was 31. When he didn't arrive at work that morning we called. When he still didn't arrive I called his fiance who's a friend of mine. And just about that same time we found out about his death. I was completely undone. Jason was an amazing friend, an amazing person, and well...simply amazing. He and I started talking because he happened to be a scuba diver, and I dive as well. That led to other conversations about books and flying and ghost hunting. And those conversations started leading to lunches. We talked about everything. And Jason always had great stories to tell.

Jason was friends with almost everyone in our department and as I was soon to find out with quite a few people from all walks of life. His memorial was standing room only. I wept for most of the service. And I laughed at the stories that others had about him. Jason would have wanted me to laugh. After the funeral me, Jeff, and a coworker headed out for drinks in Jason's honor. Then the next day I headed back to the office. An office that would never really be the same.

I've shut down for the last three weeks. I haven't read any blogs. I haven't read my comics. I haven't even spent much time online. I've focused all my attention on work, reading, and knitting. Over the last two weeks I've covered my work and Jason's work and I've still paused every time I walked past his cubicle. My new team has been fantastic and I'm really happy at work. But I still miss my friend.

So these past couple weeks I've read and knitted since I didn't seem to have a brain for anything else. And today I'm finally starting to feel like it's time to go back to living. Jason would have wanted me too. He lived fully. He did more in his short life than I will probably do in 50 years. He packed his life full of experiences. It's time I started heading back towards living. Time to reconnect. And I'll start to think about moving on but I'll never forget. This post is for you, Jason. I'll miss you, buddy.

Poetry Friday

Juneau will have to wait until Sunday. I'll be gone at a funeral this evening and tomorrow. And I'm not quite feeling up to Juneau yet. So today we will mark with poetry. Today we mark a man who was like an uncle to me. Heck he was more of an uncle than some of my own flesh and blood uncles. And I'll miss him. I'm not ready to see him place in the ground. This is not perfectly appropriate (my apologies Mandy) but it fits with my mood.

Dirge Without Music
by Edna St. Vincent Millay

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains,—but the best is lost.

The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love
They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

Like a Kid in a Candy Store

Quite literally. I was in Chicago this past weekend for my uncle's funeral. It was a really hard couple of days although it was wonderful to get to see my extended family. I got to see aunts and uncles that I hadn't seen in years. I got to meet some of the wonderful friends my uncle had. And I got to relive a bit of my childhood. 

My uncle would come out to Des Moines for the Planned Parenthood book sale every year. This is a huge sale with some great deals on some old and interesting books. I still go every year. But the part we loved about his visits is that he would always bring us candy. And not just snickers bars. He would bring us old candy. Like these little gems. 

Marpo Yum Yum Marshmallow Cones!!! So I walked into the break room at the funeral parlor and what do I spy. These. My cousin had found them as a little tribute to my uncle. We ate almost the entire box. And then I stopped into the candy store she had found them in and bought some to take home. Jeff doesn't really care for them so they are all mine. All their marshmallowy goodness. Here's a picture of the actual cone. The marshmallow is a  little stiff on the outside and chewy on the inside. The cone is just like any other ice cream cone. These are actually very tasty. 

Since we had the chance I also picked up Satellite Wafers (see below) and candy cigarettes at the same store. Satellite Wafers are basically communion wafers with little candy pellets inside. They are still as bad as I remember. Not that bad taste is stopping me from eating them. I absolutely loved them as a child. A blast from the past. One last delivery by my uncle. He will be missed.