Enslaved by Ducks

Years ago, when I bought my first bird-feeder, Jeff had argued against it. I had been hinting around that I wanted to buy one for quite a while. But each time I brought it up, Jeff would just say no. He didn't have anything particularly against birds or the feeding of them, but he was a little concerned that like my mother I would go a bit overboard in the care and feeding of them. My mother doesn't just feed the birds, she prepares grand buffets for them. But I finally bought my feeder and now Jeff can recognize many of the unique birds that visit our yard. I consider it a success.

Currently I'm happy with my one feeder and its constant visitors. But I could see myself tipping over into overfeeding, overcare. Similar to Bob Tarte's hilarious memoir Enslaved by Ducks, I could easily see animals taking over my life. I'd read Enslaved by Ducks years ago on a whim and had fallen in love with Bob's household. With parrots, doves, rabbits, cats, ducks, turkeys, geese... all running around his house, I found myself laughing at the chaos and energy that I had grown up with. We often had cats, dogs, rabbits, mice, and some poor injured bird in the house. Bob's story takes that to an extreme. These creatures were not just in his life, they had taken over his life.

This past weekend I sat down with Bob's next book Fowl Weather. I was again transported into that wonderful menagerie where animals of any kind find a home. But this is a book that offers equal parts poignancy and humor. Bob mixes stories of his father's death and mother's growing forgetfulness with the antics of his household animals. He talks about his fights with his Muscovy ducks in the same story as the death of his beloved parrot. The story of how one of his parrots bit the bunny's tail off is intermixed with stories of his mother's constantly mislaid/hidden purse, a growing sign of her Alzheimer's. And it's a very personal set of stories. Through all of them, the animals seem to provide a balm for the chaos of Bob's life, even when they contribute to them. The stories show off the craziness of keeping forty animals, some of which hate each other. But it also shows how animals can be more than just pets. They can be saviors. I love to read stories of animals lovers. I can't imagine a more wonderful house for animals to end up at. Read Enslaved by Ducks for humor, read Fowl Weather for compassion.

Then I'm Happy and Sad For You

It's been an odd weekend. A really odd weekend. It's been a weekend of both extreme happiness and extreme sadness. I've laughed heartily and I've cried miserably, within hours of each other. I've had warm bear hugs that warmed my heart and I've had consolation hugs that offered comfort.

My weekend started on Friday much like so many of them do. I had taken a half-day so we could drive up to Minneapolis for a friend's birthday party. The half-day was more fortunate that I realized. At 11:30 my department was called into a meeting to say that our boss had been let go. Now this was not just a boss the way I've had bosses before. This was a friend. We were all in shock. Some of the department was going out for lunch, just to get out of the office. I called Jeff to see if he could pick me up a bit early. I sent my now former boss an email to see if he needed anything. Jeff came right at the perfect moment, just in time for me to start crying. The office won't be the same without him around.

The drive up was okay but I was still pretty upset. Once we got up there though I was distracted. There was dinner at a sub place with a good friend of ours before heading over to the birthday party. We saw a ton of  people that we only see twice or three times a year. So it was an evening of hugs, good conversation, plenty of food and friends, with some Rock Band thrown in. Jeff and I stayed late into the morning, finally leaving the party around 3, which is only about six hours after my bedtime. It was a great time.

The next morning my body woke me up at 8 a.m.. Stupid internal alarm clock. We had plans to take the birthday boy out for lunch. Partly to celebrate his big round number birthday (which will remain unnamed) but partly because the party had also been a going away party. He's moving south. I figured that this would be the last time I'd see him for quite a while so I wanted to squeeze as much time as I could out of the weekend. Lunch was filled with great conversation. When we walked out to the parking lot I was sad again. I gave him a long hug and a Take Care but there was so much more I would have like to say. While I know we'll keep in touch via emails and phone calls, it will be a while before we get to spend time in person. And I'll miss him.

My sadness was short lived though as we headed up to watch the Huskers destroy Minnesota. I'm not really a Huskers fan but we were actually surrounded by them as we watched the game. It's odd to be in a house in Minnesota rooting for them to be crushed. But root we did. And crush they did. We had a wonderful dinner with friends, talked about sports and babies and knitting, then we headed back to our friends house to watch the Cardinals game and talk. We talked about some tough subjects but they were amazing. Jeff and I slept in the kids rooms that night, so I can now say I've slept on Dora the Explorer sheets.

They woke us for breakfast of homemade french toast and the chance to go see a trapeze school do some flying. On Friday at the party we had met one of their friends who trapezes as a hobby. He invited us out. Jeff and I had planned to leave on Saturday but watching trapeze outdoors was too much to pass up. We stayed. But our times were off. We arrived after they had taken down the net for the season. No trapeze for us. Instead we gave hugs and headed home. It took us two extra hours. The poor kitty had licked her food bowl clean by the time we had gotten home. We had only expected to be gone 24 hours. I hadn't been home in almost 72. And it was a weekend filled with highs and lows. It went from one extreme to the other. And sometimes that's okay. I know that this will work out. It's just odd right now.

Poetry Friday

Juneau will have to wait until Sunday. I'll be gone at a funeral this evening and tomorrow. And I'm not quite feeling up to Juneau yet. So today we will mark with poetry. Today we mark a man who was like an uncle to me. Heck he was more of an uncle than some of my own flesh and blood uncles. And I'll miss him. I'm not ready to see him place in the ground. This is not perfectly appropriate (my apologies Mandy) but it fits with my mood.

Dirge Without Music
by Edna St. Vincent Millay

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains,—but the best is lost.

The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love
They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

Lightening the Mood

I'm having a sad day. It is one of those days where I'm going to be sad and angry all day. I'm researching the meat industry for work and that never fails to leave me in a bit of a bad mood. Whenever people ask my why I became a vegetarian, I simply say that I work a little too close to the meat industry for comfort. So in order to lighten my day I'm going to share a couple images that make me happy.

The first is my current desktop image. This is where I'm going to be in two weeks. If that thought doesn't make me happy, I don't know what will. This is a hotel in Playa Del Carmen Mexico. I'm heading down there in 14 days (not that I'm counting) for Jeff's brother's wedding.

The next image is fitting for Halloween. My first painting for painting class was of a jack-o-lantern (because I have a book in the works about one). I used this guy as my model. The painting turned out okay but the photo here is just perfect.

The next is a picture that a friend of mine at work gave me. This is one of the Shinkansen (bullet trains in Japan) passing in front of Mt. Fuji. It has decorated my desktop several times. I love the colors.


And lastly I would be remiss if I didn't post this image. I hope that Jen and Greg, and the rest of the family will forgive me for posting it. This is the couple who will be getting married in Mexico along with the rest of my inlaws. I'll have to actually post some images of my side of the family soon. Although I'm pretty sure my mother wouldn't be happy with that.

Again thanks for letting me share these. They brighten what looks to be an otherwise difficult day.

Hard day.

So I'm having a hard day and really just wanted to write it out. My uncle died yesterday. We had been expecting it any day now but it really hit me today for some reason. Even yesterday, with the party and everything, I was still distracted enough not to think. But today at work was tough. My uncle had been diagnosed with colon cancer about a year ago. The doctors gave him 9 months to a year. He managed the year. Which is wonderful and surprising considering what shape he was in. 

And his death has got me thinking about my life. My uncle was a wonderfully sweet man but he was a man who never took any chances in life. He worked nights his whole life, and then came home to the house he shared with his mother and aunt and either slept or read. As far as I know he never dated a girl much less married. He lead a very solitary life. He traveled but never really across the oceans. And then in his retirement he simply shut himself in his house and did nothing. He grew weak, barely able to get around without a walker. And that was at 64. And now he is gone, at 67, without really ever having done much living. And that for me is the saddest thing. 

It reminds me that we are only weak in body because we allow ourselves to be. This has been a catalyst toward getting me to work out. Not to lose weight, even though I would like to, but to be stronger. I want to be strong enough to still be active into my seventies. I don't fear getting old. I fear getting elderly, whether that is at 40 or 80. 

This has also got me thinking about friends. I've always been shy. Painfully sometimes. And I have not always been the best about maintaining friendships. And that needs to change. I want to take more chances socially. To meet new people, to acknowledge people as friends more. I want to allow myself to take risks with my feelings. And not be afraid to be hurt. I watched my uncle hide away in his home and I don't want that to be me. Although a man who loved to talk, he took the easy way out and stayed in. I don't want that. 

This death has been the third for Jeff and I since December. This will be my second funeral in the past six months. And this one will perhaps hit me the hardest. When my great-aunt died she was 97. And fiery until the end. At 95 she was still trying to clean out her own gutters. I want that fire. 

Do not go gently into the night... Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Dylan Thomas

And not when I come to die, discover that I had not lived. Thoreau