Mondays

I'm sitting on the couch with my feet up, sinking further into the cushions. I'm surprised that I have the energy to type with how tired I am tonight. I'm feeling the exhaustion of a long productive day. My Mondays have become busy. And today was one of the busier ones.

Back in March I started volunteering with our main city library. My mother had found an ad in the local paper requesting volunteers and I contacted them about working on Mondays. On my day off, I go in at noon and work until 5. On my work Mondays I go in after work until close. I may only work one night a week but the volunteer position has made a marked difference in my stress levels. I'm feeling far more relaxed than I have in months. The librarians seem to like the work I do and I'm even starting to contribute some ideas of my own. I feel like I make a difference and I love the fact that I'm working in a library. The only downside is the busyness.

I worked my regular nine hours at my day job and then headed over the library right after work. The library is preparing for a major book sale and I've been working for many weeks to get things ready. Tonight I shifted at least four full book trucks worth of books. I also went through the children's collection to pull out certain subjects. I handled stacks and stacks of books. I left feeling exhausted, a little dizzy, and hungry (I hadn't had dinner). And proud.

So the exhaustion I feel is a good thing. My time on the couch seems like a reward for a job well done. I feel more proud of the 2 hours and 45 minutes I spent at the library, then I do for the nine hours I worked at my day job. I feel like I contributed more. And for me that is making all the difference. It may be another night away from home during the week but this type of busyness is right up my alley.

Still No Trench Photos

I have no real excuse for why you aren't looking at the pictures I took this past weekend from Trench. I had planned to download them Sunday night but after spending half the day on the road, I was in the mood to just relax. Jeff and I drove home on the back roads which was just wonderful. There was constantly a new town or new farm to see. We drove through towns with less than 200 people, spotted a quail on the side of the road, and at our friends suggestion stopped and picked up a fantastic pie (thanks for the suggestion Cathy! Mmmmm tasty). It was so much better than taking the interstate. The only problem was that it added another hour onto our drive. So when we got home we sat on the porch and relaxed until dark, then headed inside to numb our brains with TV. Plus, the cat wouldn't have let me sit at the computer for more than five minutes without demanding to be petted and attended to. She might have missed us a little. So I figured I'd download them and post them here and to Facebook on Monday night.

After dinner last night Jeff and I ended up at the grocery store to pick up enough fresh produce to get me through the week. I've been buying produce once or twice a week lately to up my fruit and vegetable intake. I eat a good amount of them but I want to make sure that produce is my go-to snack. And I tend to grab whatever is easy and available as a snack, which too often tends to be junk food. So last night, after carting home tons of produce, I spent a good chunk of the evening cutting and cleaning and prepping all my fruits and veggies. My fridge is practically overflowing with tupperware containers. This morning I made myself a quick salad in less than 5 minutes since all my ingredients were ready to go. But of course that ate up part of the evening and by the time it was done I didn't bother to track down the cord for the camera. So I set my sights on tonight.

And that won't happen either. I can flat out tell you that since I'll be out of town this evening, having dinner with a friend and then attending an Irish Jam. I'm leaving straight from work for the 35 minute drive up north and won't be heading home until after 11. Should be a long day. I hope I can stay awake for it. So I'll plan for Wednesday, either before or after knitting. I figure it doesn't take more than a minute or two to download. So I have no idea why it hasn't gotten done. But it hasn't. So you'll have to wait another day.

Pressure...Pushing Down on Me

"When the going gets tough, the tough get going"

There's a saying that I've heard used in pretty much every context imaginable. What I've realized this week is that I'm not "the tough". I apparently don't handle pressure well. It's a odd fact that the more pressure I have on me, the more I shut down. So while I'm handling what seems like endless and endlessly frustrating work projects at work, I simply shut down at home. I've been completely unproductive this week while home. I've fallen behind on all of my communication, can't even stand to check email, and have been avoiding the phone. I've done not a bit of housework this week, which Jeff has sweetly taken care of. And I don't even want to look at a computer.

The blog has been a bit of a casualty. This may be one of my least productive weeks blog wise. Which of course is interesting in itself. I've set an odd deadline for myself blog wise and that too is creating pressure for me. I've started blog posts numerous times only to abandon them a couple lines in. All because of this deadline. The funny thing is that I was just writing without worry, I would have had a ton of posts done. As you guys know, I'm not too picky about what I put out here. But with this deadline I seem to have frozen up.

So it's time for me to take a step back. Yes the work projects have to be done by a certain time. Yes my life after work has been a bit crazy lately. No I'm not going to let that affect the blog from now on. I'm also not going to think about this completely arbitrary deadline I've set for myself. And remember that this is all about play and not about work. Hopefully that can take away some of the pressure. And keep me going. Because apparently "when the going gets tough", I take a mental sabbatical.

Should Have

I should be posting more. I have a ton of time. I have really nothing to do but lie here on the couch with my feet up, spend time on Facebook, and watch TV. And that's exactly what I've been doing. I haven't been terribly ambitious for anything that requires too much thought. I've watched a ton of movies, some that I want to talk about, others that I've seen over and over. Jeff and I are doing a very slow Lord of the Rings marathon this weekend. We watched Fellowship Friday night, Two Towers last night, and will finish with Return of the King tonight. As a friend of mine on Facebook said, "if those movies can't heal broken bones, nothing will".

But I should be taking this time to blog, to write, to paint, and even to read. Instead I watch hours of old NCIS episodes, Family Guy, football, and an endless number of commercials. I read countless comics, find new photo sites, and spend literally hours checking in with friends. I traditionally only spend an hour or two a week on Facebook. This week I've probably spent 12 hours on it. I have spent a good chunk of time on the phone and I've had a number of friends and family who have stopped in to see me. The time is actually passing quickly but none of it is really productive. I haven't even had my journal out once. I should have posted every day. But being laid up has left me without an sort of ambition. Even climbing the stairs, something that I've gotten better at, made me feel tired.

My hope is to be better this week. I'm hopefully going back to work on Tuesday but even then I'll probably only be able to do half days to begin with. I get tired easily and still have some trouble concentrating. I'm not taking the pain pills as frequently which is helpful. I guess all of this is to make excuses for the fact that this has been one of the more exciting weeks of my life and I've hardly written anything about it. And it's my hope that getting this little bit of fluff post out there will spur me on to do some more writing. I have to remember that this boot will probably be my constant companion for many many weeks. It's time to settle into a normal life, just with a couple new accessories.