Recurrent Corneal Erosion

I can't believe I'm writing this, but I'm becoming fearful about falling asleep. Bad things happen when I fall asleep. I'm living on less than five hours a night lately. For the last three weeks I've been waking up every hour or every other hour and going back to sleep just praying that I get to the next wake-up. At least get to the next wake-up without pain.

Three times in the last two weeks I've woken up with severe pain, tearing, and the feeling that there is something in my eye. I know what it is. I know that it's not something in my eye but the explanation might be worse. Each time I wake up that way I'm hurting my cornea. I have Recurrent Corneal Erosion, which stems from my cut back in March. Knowing the damage that is being done actually makes it worse.

I've bought three different types of eye drops in the last three weeks and just broke down to buy an eye ointment this evening. The drops help a bit. But not every night. So I'll try the ointment tonight to see if that works. Each time I buy something I hope that it works and that I won't have to go back to the eye doctor to get further treatment. Mostly because so many of the treatments that are tried for RCE only occasionally work. I wore a contact for three weeks without luck. I'm sure I'll wear one again for longer with the hope that will work. I'd have to think long and hard about the surgery.

I'll go to see the doctor again soon. But I'm waiting until the end of the week when I have the days off. I know I'm not doing a lot of permanent damage to my eyes which means that it's not an emergency. Some people live with RCE for years. I just hope that it's not the case for me. Until then I hope that ointment will at least allow me to sleep without fear. I know the cause, and knowing helps in a way, but it doesn't help with the anxiety. Here's hoping for a good night sleep tonight and calm eyes this morning.

Earning My Calories

Over the weekend, Jeff and I broke down and bought a tablet. We had been discussing an iPad for over a year and finally the time seemed right (well maybe not right, but not wrong either). Right would have involved us not spending a couple grand on a new air conditioner. But the point is that we bought one. And so far I've been enjoying it for one aspect more than any other. The moment we brought the iPad home, I installed My FitnessPal on it.

About seven years ago, I managed to lose 60 pounds by tracking what I ate and walking more. I had used a printed food journal at the time and loved it. Now, in the age of digital, I'm using an electronic food tracker and am hopefully that I can repeat my results from the past. I have about 60 pounds to lose.

So far the program has helped me make some smarter decisions. Of course I've only been using it for  a couple days now. But I'm optimistic. I went for a long walk yesterday so I could eat a good dinner and still be under calories. Today I spent 5 hours shifting books at the library. The program tells me that I burned a ton of calories enough for a great dinner and plenty left over. It even allowed me a glass of wine. So if I use the iPad for nothing else, at least it might help me lose a bit of weight. And that would be worth it.

Now to work up the roommate agreement

My mother knows that I like The Big Bang Theory so when she was out shopping recently she bought me a present. My own little Sheldon. Or big Sheldon, if we go by head size. He's adorable.

I love the Funko figurines and this is the first one I've ever owned. He's going to sit up on my bookshelves in my library. For when I need some help with the sciences or maths. I'm sure he'd be willing to explain them to me. Perhaps ad nauseum.

Books!

My mother tells me that when I was less than a year old, I used to sit on the floor in the living room, pull a book off the well stocked shelves, and flip through the pages as if I were reading. Although I'm not sure I believe this completely, she tells me that I didn't even rip the pages. I do remember being six and pulling down the A book from the World Book to flip through. I was particularly fascinated with the page that showed the variety of apples. I spent most of my childhood flipping through those books. I still do when I'm over at my parent's house. I spent 60% of my childhood stretched out on the couch in my parent's living room reading. 

My parent's house is filled with books. There is not a single room in that home that doesn't have books. It was such a regular part of my childhood that upon entering a friend's house I was filled with a sense of unease. It was half way into my visit before I realized that there was not a single book in sight. If you walk into my living room right now you'd find: two books and a notebook on the couch, four library books stacked on the dining table, a bookcase filled with cookbooks, a stack of magazines and one lonely paperback on the coffee table, and at least a half dozen books on the stairs waiting to go up. And this isn't where I keep my collection. I keep the majority of my books in the library. But like my parents, you can't find a room in the house where you don't find reading material. 

I've been thinking about my passion recently. I want to find what makes me the happiest, what makes time fly. I want to figure out what I'm the most passionate about. Then I look around. And find myself surrounded by books. I realize that one of the things that bothers me the most about my job is that I'm not working with books regularly. I notice that I'm donating my time at the library. And that when I enter a library, a bookshop, or someone's personal library, time seems to slow down. I browse, running my fingers gently along the spines of books. I can spend hours glancing at titles, picking up books, copying quotes from books, collecting books, and of course reading books. I don't know about you, but that seems like the definition of a passion. I think I found it. My great passion is books. Now to find a way to make that my occupation. 

Jinxing Myself

I guess it's all a matter of what we pay attention to, but I keep noticing that this blog jinxes me. In December 2009, I wrote about how the moon on New Years Eve would not only be full but a blue moon. I wondered aloud if it was an omen. Two days later I was lying on my back in the emergency room, cradling a fractured ankle.

This past week I wrote an article about eyes, particularly the beauty of pupils. Today I'm sitting on the couch dealing with eye pain. I woke up on Monday morning with pain. I've had it on and off since I cut my eye in March. But the pain on Monday didn't go away like it normally does. So I went back to the eye doctor (third time since January) and he diagnosed the pain. Apparently my cut had never healed properly and I was doing regular damage to my cornea. He fitted me with a bandage contact lens and sent me home with antibiotics. I'll be wearing the lens for about a month.

The contact might be worse than the pain I was having before but I'm trying to be good. It's only been 28 hours I keep telling myself. But my lovely iris is covered and a tad cloudy behind the contact. The rest of my eye is bright red. And I just want it to stop being irritated. I'm whiny and unproductive. Poor Jeff has had to deal with me whining about my eyes since March. And so far it doesn't seem to be going away. But I guess I should count my blessings. It could be worse. But I'm not going to say how...just in case.

The Eyes Have It

In the last year I found a collection of photographs by Suren Manvelyan of animal eyes. These incredible macro shots showed both the incredibly diversity of eyes but more fascinating to me, the structure of the iris. I've always taken for granted that the iris was simply a solid color. But as I looked at the images I realized that there are gaps in the iris, there are color changes. Honestly there is nothing solid about them. 

Chimpanzee eye (very close to a human eye)

Since then I've become fascinated with my eyes. I've started checking out Jeff's eyes. I would be fascinated with other people's eyes but they might find it disconcerting when I get close enough to examine their irises in detail. And although I don't have the skills that Manvelyan has with macro shots, I've taken some images of both Jeff and my irises. 

These are mine. Note the gaps on the left side of the iris. Note the way each strand of iris goes into the dark pupil in the middle. It looks more like a hole than any solid structure.

This is Jeff's eye. Notice the color changes. Jeff has eyes that fluctuate between blue and green (at least in my mind). I love the center green surrounded by the light blue. I didn't do any color touching for this photo. 

This photo was something fun. I took a horrible shot of Jeff's eye. The flash was still on and the photo was too bright to be useful. Until I started playing with it in iPhoto. I changed the contrasts and what I have is more artistic. But even more interesting it really shows those gaps in the iris. They now show up as pure black against the white of the iris. And I love the odd color of the pupil 

Make sure you check out the rest of Suren Manvelyan's gallery here. I promise you these will be some of the most interesting and beautiful photographs that you'll see all week. I guarantee that you've never seen eyes like those photos before. They made me rethink how eyes work. I loved these last two the most (gecko above and llama below). 

Mondays

I'm sitting on the couch with my feet up, sinking further into the cushions. I'm surprised that I have the energy to type with how tired I am tonight. I'm feeling the exhaustion of a long productive day. My Mondays have become busy. And today was one of the busier ones.

Back in March I started volunteering with our main city library. My mother had found an ad in the local paper requesting volunteers and I contacted them about working on Mondays. On my day off, I go in at noon and work until 5. On my work Mondays I go in after work until close. I may only work one night a week but the volunteer position has made a marked difference in my stress levels. I'm feeling far more relaxed than I have in months. The librarians seem to like the work I do and I'm even starting to contribute some ideas of my own. I feel like I make a difference and I love the fact that I'm working in a library. The only downside is the busyness.

I worked my regular nine hours at my day job and then headed over the library right after work. The library is preparing for a major book sale and I've been working for many weeks to get things ready. Tonight I shifted at least four full book trucks worth of books. I also went through the children's collection to pull out certain subjects. I handled stacks and stacks of books. I left feeling exhausted, a little dizzy, and hungry (I hadn't had dinner). And proud.

So the exhaustion I feel is a good thing. My time on the couch seems like a reward for a job well done. I feel more proud of the 2 hours and 45 minutes I spent at the library, then I do for the nine hours I worked at my day job. I feel like I contributed more. And for me that is making all the difference. It may be another night away from home during the week but this type of busyness is right up my alley.

April Showers Bring...May Snow?

It snowed all day Thursday and Friday, May 2nd and 3rd. I've never seen snow in May. In all my years I don't remember a single day in May that had snow. Except this year. Most of the midwest got hit with snow. My poor brother and his family got socked with a full foot of snow. They lost their tree. For the first day it hardly collected. And the next day it wouldn't stop.

I covered my strawberries in the hope that they would survive the snow and cold, which they did. In fact they look better than I've ever seen them, big and tall and ready to send out berries. I improvised on the covering, (an old storage box) which worked beautifully. It was windy enough to blow the container away so I placed a frozen bottle of water on top for some added weight.

When the snow came I loved the way the grass looked. The bright green grass and the pure white snow was lovely. So I took pictures. And didn't mind the snow on Thursday. It was Friday that bothered me. I saw the results of a head-on collision on my way to the office that morning. Someone had been going too fast and wasn't able to keep traction on the curve. Both cars suffered but thankfully there didn't appear to be injuries.

It was slick going in that day. The pretty green grass was gone, under a blanket of white. The snow continued all day. The ground was slick and slushy, the snow was often intense, and the wind never let up the whole day. It was cold and horrible. And I just kept thinking how it was May, and it shouldn't be snowing. I called Jeff on my way home from work on Friday to complain, but he was in too good a mood for that. He laughed and told me he "made me something". But he wouldn't tell me what it was. It was only when I pulled in that I found this guy.

I guess it was perfect packing snow. It took Jeff 20 minutes to make him. I love the frown on his face. As soon as I saw him I lit up. I couldn't stop smiling. The embodiment of winter in the middle of May. He was gone by mid-day today. The rain has brought him low. But for a moment I was smiling and happy in the middle of the spring chill. Clearly Mr. Snowman was not.

Poetry Friday

Apparently I forgot that I had a blog. Sorry about that. My world has been a bit busy lately. Hopefully it will slow down soon. But for today, a poem. I found this on one of the other blogs I read. I have to read more of this man's work. Half-poem, half zen koan, I read this and am at peace. Now to find some woods.

The Peace of Wild Things
by Wendell Barry

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

The Bird

The bird above is the one that got me into birdwatching. It was the bird that made me pick up my binoculars and once I viewed those gorgeous stripes down its back, I was hooked. Birds were suddenly everywhere and I was suddenly paying attention. I'm not a good birder but I'm learning. All because of this bird.

This is a Red Bellied Woodpecker. We have a pair of them that nest in the dead tree along our creek. I heard them one afternoon and grabbed Jeff's old binoculars to see what was making the noise. It was a strange call. I followed the call and found the bird, and was struck dumb. The stripes on its back were beautiful. The red head was such a wonderful contrast. From a distance I hadn't seen half the details. After that, I started watching birds regularly. I bought a new pair of binoculars. I bought bird identification books. All because of this bird.

If you're staring at this bird and wondering about the name, notice the picture at the tail end of the post (tail-end, get it?). The Red Headed Woodpecker has a red head and plain black back. The Red Bellied Woodpecker has a red head, black and white stripes on its back...and a red belly. You can only see it occasionally. Like as it flies away. Remember that most birds were named after being shot and held in hand. A horrible way to name a beautiful bird.

Roald Dahl

There are a couple authors who impacted my childhood deeply. Walter Farley, Arnold Lobel, Dr. Seuss, Julie Edwards (Andrews), and of course Roald Dahl all wrote the kind of books that I wanted to read as a child. There are few books from any of these writers that I haven't read. And no one was better loved in our household than Roald Dahl. We each came home after listening to The BFG in school and demanded that my parent read us the rest of his books. There's something magical about that man and his mischievous books. As a child I judged him by his stories, recently I learned a little more about the man behind the writing.

I just finished a very good Roald Dahl biography called Storyteller by Donald Sturrock. I'd heard plenty of rumors about Dahl, his prickliness, his questionable past, and his even more questionable views. I'd never seen any of these in his stories, but this book did a lot to set me straight on Dahl's personality. What I encountered was a character in his own right.

I'd read Dahl's two "autobiographical" books (Boy and Going Solo) but Sturrock informs us that much of those stories were fabricated (or tweaked a bit) by Dahl to make more interesting stories. But the real story is fascinating enough. Dahl was not only a RAF pilot during World War 2 but a spy for the British in the US after the war. He seduced numerous women (some quite well known) and ended up married to a famous actress. He invented and patented a valve that saved many brain injured children after his child was involved in an accident. He raced greyhounds, married twice, and managed to father a couple children. Oh yeah and he wrote some of the best loved books of all time. A recent poll just listed him as the most popular children's book writer ever. This almost three decades after his death.

Dahl had his prickly side and loved to stir up controversy at the dinner table. But many of the rumors about his controversial views are a bit misguided. Dahl may have been controversial in his conversations but he seems tame in his actual views. He reminds me a bit of my father, who loves to see if he can rile people up. Like my dad, Dahl would play devils advocate for hours just to get a flush out of people. And that earned him a reputation for prickliness.

No matter what your view on the man, you have to give him credit for his books. As a child we listened to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Fantastic Mr. Fox, James and the Giant Peach, The Witches, and of course The BFG. We sat spellbound as bad people got their just desserts, and good children prevailed against evil. We fell in love with his characters, his wording, and his imagination. I can still read Dahl's work and be spellbound. Even his adult fare is seductive. A prolific writer and a consummate storyteller who lived a life almost as exciting as his books.

The World, From a Different Angle

Over the last couple years I've become more and more fascinated by space. I wrote this post when NASA's budget cuts forced them to stop shuttle launches. I've started following Neil DeGrasse Tyson, an outspoken advocate for astrophysics, space, and NASA. And just in these last couple weeks I've started following Col. Chris Hadfield on Facebook.

Brazilian Farms

Hadfield is a Canadian astronaut serving as commander on the International Space Station. He's incredibly active when it comes to social media and has been posting pictures, making videos, and generally keeping us informed about what it's like up there in space. I first heard of him when I watched this video about how to make a sandwich in space. Zero gravity may be cool but it makes some tasks just a bit more difficult. I've seen videos on how to shave in space, how to sleep, and even how to clip one's finger nails. Each time I watch him glide effortless through the station it seems a tad unreal, but cool to know that people live like that.

London at Night

But it's the photos that he posts each day that make me glad I'm following him. They remind me how incredible the solar system and the Earth are. As the ISS orbits around the world, the views of Earth are stunning. Hadfield takes close up images of the cities he passes over, islands and fields, the aurora's spectacular beauty, or even better, the edge of the Earth. The first shot of his I saw was the aurora borealis, with the start of the dawn behind it. I was instantly hooked.

Auroras at Dawn

This man was not only seeing Earth from a unique angle; he was sharing it with us. And he always refers to people as "us". I recently sent him a message telling him how wonderful I felt his use of the word "us" was. He showed a picture of an area in Brazil and mentioned that about "3 million of us live there". As I read the word I realized he's talking about humans as one group. That we're all one people. And I can't help but wonder if the view up there has to impact his thinking that way. If it makes him inclusive of all human as an "us". It make me think of another astronaut that made a similar comment.

Mount Etna

"I really believe that if the political leaders of the world could see their planet from a distance of 100,000 miles their outlook could be fundamentally changed. That all-important border would be invisible, that noisy argument silenced. The tiny globe would continue to turn, serenely ignoring its subdivisions, presenting a unified facade that would cry out for unified understanding, for homogenous treatment. The earth must become as it appears: blue and white, not capitalist or communist; blue and white, not rich or poor; blue and white, not envious or envied."   --Michael Collins

Perhaps seeing our Earth from outside of it, reminds these men and women of how small and insignificant our home is. I know that both the idea of a small fragile Earth and the idea of a collective human kind was repeated in every quote I read from an astronaut. Perhaps looking at the world from a different angle is all we need to unify. And if that is the case, I'm even more appreciative of Col. Hadfield's work in sharing his images of our beautiful planet with us.

All photos taken by Col. Chris. Hadfield

Las Fallas

In Valencia, Spain, in March a celebration is held each year called Las Fallas. It is a week long celebration that takes place from March 15 through 19 for Saint Joseph and for the return of spring. It is a celebration that includes elaborate cardboard and cork creations called Fallas (meaning torch), fireworks, and at the end a gigantic city-wide fire.

The city begins preparations for the next Fallas right after the previous one ends. That's because they have a lot of building to do. Each neighborhood works together to construct cartoonish sculptures that often have a satirical edge to them. These structures were originally made out of wax. After time the builders started using cardboard. Now most people are using cork or polystyrene. The creations are elaborately painted and brought out onto the streets on March 15.

Every day of the festival there are parades marching through the city. And every night there are fireworks displays throughout the city at 2:00 p.m. Everyone takes part, throwing fireworks and noisemakers into the street all evening. Various groups compete with large fireworks displays in the hopes of putting on the last night's performance. Each night the displays grow bigger and bigger until March 19, the last night.

On an evening known as La Crema, people gather around the structures that have been so lovingly and carefully built. Many of them are filled with fireworks. In staggered hours they are each lit on fire causing massive fire and firework displays. The fires are lit and extinguished all night as they move closer and closer to the city center which has the most elaborate structures and will end up with the most elaborate fire. The images from this are spectacular. I've seen pictures after each year's Fallas and every time I am shocked and awed. It is a mixture of wonderful beauty and of excitement. A creative carnivale. I must make a trip to Valencia to see it.

All photos are from the official Fallas website with the exception of the last one. The La Crema shot is from the Telegraph.

Moon Shots

Jeff and I went out one of the nights last week to try to catch a glimpse of Comet Pan-STARRS, a bright comet that could be seen in the Western sky right after sundown. We had heard that it could be seen with the naked eye but we still brought out binoculars and of course the camera. Jeff made sure I packed the tripod as well.

Although the clouds were low on the horizon, the rest of the sky was clear. So we took some sunset photos and a couple of beautiful moon photos. Jeff and I played to see how close we could get with just the natural zoom of the camera. I thought about digiscoping it but I'm still learning and most of my shots come out terrible. Plus once we got home, I realized just how close the zoom had gotten.

Alright Jeff, you're correct, the tripod makes all the difference.

And a view of the sunset that night. Now if only the colors were perfect. But I guess that just gives us something to work towards.

Knitting Milestone

I think it was about six years ago that my little sister taught me to knit. It might have been longer, my memory is faulty, but it's been at least six years. And this past week I finally crossed a milestone, at least in my mind. I made something wearable. Now I've made accessories for years. Hats, mittens, and scarves don't take much thought anymore. I've even made a pair of almost socks. But this is the first true piece of clothing that I've made. And even better, it fits.

It started when we were up in Minneapolis at a cute little yarn shop and I found this variegated purple yarn that I loved. I bought two skeins with no idea that they were going to become. It was too much yarn to make a hat and scarf but not enough yarn to make a sweater. So I went looking for something to try. I wanted something simple but big. And it had to be clothing. So when I found Tank Girl, a pattern in Stitch and Bitch, I knew what I was going to make.

This is made from the bottom up, with two different sides. You make the back first. The neck is a bit higher in the back than in the front but the arms are the same. The straps are joined using a three needle join, something I had to study before trying. But they worked like a charm. And once the ends were woven in, I had to try it on, even as the snow flew outside. I was excited to see that it fit. It's a bit more stretched than I would like but it fits. Now if only I could do something about those arms. I'll have to knit more. That's good exercise, right?