Mood Shifts

I wrote a post this morning and promptly left it at work. I was going to try to recreate the mood of the piece but I'm in such a different place than I was this morning that instead I'm going to sum up all the various moods I've had over the course of the day. And hope that it's enough to be interesting.

My piece this morning was on the Mourning Dove hunt which started in Iowa yesterday. For the first time in 93 years, people are allowed to hunt doves and I'm actually pretty pissed about it. I had a ton of great points about why I'm angry but that is saved on a different computer and to be honest after the afternoon and evening I've had I'm so far from angry that it would be hard to get back into the right mental framework. I'm also a bit drunk so if this makes less than perfect sense I apologize.

My work day was actually pretty fantastic. My coworker brought me the Wicked soundtrack to preview. I had mentioned that I want to see the musical (I'm one of the four people on Earth who LOVED the book) but I haven't heard any of the music. So I spent my morning listening to that and working. The afternoon was really productive. While I worked I listened to hours of Regina Spektor radio on Pandora.

After work we met my parents for dinner at this really tasty pizza place in town. Then we headed back to their house. Jeff and I had something we wanted to talk to them about that we've been putting off. It was wonderful to sit down and talk things through. They were awesome about everything. I'm so lucky to have the parents I do. Thanks Mom and Dad!

After hanging out for a bit Jeff and I headed off to the local comedy club. We grabbed drinks and talked before the show. Both openers were a lot of fun but the main comedian (Bert Kreischer) was hilarious. I was so enthralled by a story he was telling that I forgot where I was for a moment (although the Jameson and the two beers didn't hurt). I laughed for two hours straight. It was fantastic. As we left the club at midnight, the wind was picking up. A thunderstorm was brewing. We found a nice quiet spot to sit and watch the rain and the storm and talked. A perfect end to a perfect day.

I'm sure I'll grab that post some time this weekend and post it. But it won't be tonight. Comedy clubs and anger don't go together. I'm too tired and happy to work up a good lather. So this evening I'll go to bed with a smile on my face, remembering that this morning my mood was completely different. I'm happier with this.

Wanderlust

We travel, some of us forever, to seek other states, other lives, other souls--Anais Nin

I need a vacation. I actually have one coming up. I'm going to Gen Con in August. It's a gaming convention in Indianapolis. I'm so incredibly excited that I've started a countdown. And of course time slowed down. I realized today that it's been an entire year (almost to the day) since my last real vacation. And for a traveler like myself, that's a long time. I'm not really a gypsy but I have an odd wanderlust. I don't like to stay in one place too long.

I have lived in my house for six years. That is way too long by my standards. I'm not a nester. I once told my boss that I'd prefer to move every year. Not just because I like the change, but because I'm more likely to live simply that way. I've worked at my job for five years and I find myself longing for something new. I once read a writer say that she wrote so that she could live many lives. That's how I am. I tell myself stories so that I can live multiple lives.

When I found the quote from Anais Nin, it just struck me. This is why I travel. This is why I tell stories. This is why I move. I'm searching. I'd say that I hope I find what I'm searching for but I don't really want. It's the search that draws me. To borrow another quote from another brilliant (and feisty) writer: The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity--Dorothy Parker.

Oddly Antisocial

I'm not typically antisocial. Most of the time I love being around friends and family. I revel in long discussions and good conversation. For an introvert (and trust me I am one) I tend to enjoy being around people. Mind you, drop me in a room full of people I don't know and I'll find myself a quiet corner to hide. But with people I know, most won't even believe that I'm painfully shy.

But for some reason both today and yesterday I've been avoiding people. I haven't been on Facebook, I haven't been blogging, and I haven't even been willing to check my email. Apparently I'm being antisocial. Which is hilarious considering my weekend. Most of the weekend was pretty quiet. I had dinner with Jeff on Friday and we settled in at home for some exciting Christmas Card writing and a touch of Bailey's. It's amazing how much easier that pen writes when the Bailey's is flowing (my apologies to anyone who gets one of my later addressed ones). Saturday was filled with cleaning. The house looks almost uncluttered now, which is miraculous. With two packrats living in the same house, things can get a bit overwhelming.

And all of that led up to Sunday. I woke up with the alarm on Sunday so I could have breakfast at a friend's place. And she treated me wonderfully. I had samosas and sweet potato curry. There was homemade Apple Carrot juice (surprisingly tasty) and homemade tortillas. By the time I left her house, I was well past stuffed. I got home just in time to get a call from a high school friend of mine. She had looked me up out of the blue and had emailed me about getting together. Considering that she lives in Alabama we haven't seen each other in years. Eleven years to be exact. We had lost contact. So for all of Sunday afternoon, Jeff and I hung out with her, her husband, and her two adorable kids. We spent a lot of time playing Wii, taking pictures, but mostly just catching up. It was wonderful. So after a day filled with talking and visiting you would think that I'd be more than ready to communicate with everyone else. Apparently not.

I'm thinking that I've come out of my antisocial mood. I spent a fantastic lunch today with my sister. We laughed and ate too much. And now I feel like writing. I feel like sharing. I may even get on Facebook although I'm not promising anything. Just know that I'll be posting the rest of the week. And possibly this weekend. And sometimes, it may even be interesting.

A Cure for All My Ailments

What if I would tell you that I have found the one thing that will help me lose weight, improve my mood, keep my anxiety at bay, increase my energy, and lengthen my life expectancy. It's pretty simple. In fact, I learned about it at the ripe old age of 1 year old. It's walking. The first and only thing that I have ever found that takes care of almost all my issues. You would think with all those benefits it would be something that I would be dedicating tons of time to. Yet for some reason I find it tough to get out the door.

Jeff and I went walking this afternoon. We wanted to try out a path that has been built near the house and I loved just getting out into the trees and putting one foot in front of the other. In fact, I'm always happy when I'm walking. I don't remember the last time I took a walk and didn't enjoy myself. Even though I don't really like to walk along busy streets I won't turn it down. My favorite walks though are when I leave the trails. Strap on my hiking boots and step off the beaten path. This picture is from a hike Jeff and I took along the creek near our house. We found all sorts of interesting plant life, spotted a couple of deer, and found our way a couple miles from the house, just following a creek. It was one of my favorite walks.

But I still find it tough to motivate myself. I look out the door and think that it's just too much work to put on my shoes. Or find a coat. And the couch just seems comfier. So I put off going. And then feel lazy and even worse. A simple walk everyday would be all I need to improve my life. Now I just need to get moving. My plan (kind of like a resolution) would be to take a walk every other day weather depending. I'm not about to become one of those crazy people you see walking in torrential rains or in a blizzard. But on nice days there is no reason I shouldn't get out and walk when I can. When I lost all that weight four years ago I did it simply through walking more and writing down what I eat. And getting out simply makes my anxiety go away. With those bonuses alone, I need to make an effort to get out there and walk. Here's hoping I can keep the pace up.

Been Missing

I'm back. Okay I've actually been back in the country since late Sunday night. I've been mentally back in the game since last night.

I have tons of pictures to show you from Mexico. It was gorgeous. Truly beautiful. The resort was incredible, the all-inclusive aspect was wonderful, and the wedding was very pretty (enough adjectives?). And I've been meaning to post pictures and write about the trip but I just haven't been in the mood. Monday I spent the whole day with my aunt and uncle who were visiting. Tuesday I began kicking myself to sit down and write. So yesterday morning, after enough kicking, I decided that I would make this an extended blog vacation. I wouldn't post until I felt ready to. I wouldn't feel pressure to produce. I don't ever want this blog to feel like a job, a chore, something I have to do. Rather it should be something I'm excited to do.

All this week I've been coming home at night and crashing. I lay on the couch and stuff my face until I finally fall asleep. It's been hell on my mood and completely unproductive. I decided to change things up yesterday. Last night I sat on the couch and read. I watched TV and knit. I read more. And sometime last night a switch was thrown. I felt like myself again. I woke up this morning invigorated. I found at least three things I wanted to talk about just this morning alone. And I figured it was time to break my silence. A week and a half is a pretty long time for me to go without writing (or at least blog writing. I wrote free-hand all trip long). So this is just to say I'm back. I am composing in my head a post about the wedding and the trip that I'll post tonight. With pictures.

Unscientific Study

There is nothing scientific about a study I'm conducting. I don't use the scientific method, track my results, or even worry about variables. I'm just trying something to see what the results are.

Two weeks ago I started a news hiatus. I went from reading six or seven different news sources a day to not looking at the news at all. I avoid my news based bookmarks, change the TV channel if the news comes on, and have even avoided watching Jon Stewart all in the name of psychology. And I've discovered a startling revelation. Okay not really startling, but a revelation.

Since I've stopped reading the news, I'm in a much better mood. Even with my not feeling great, I've been much happier. I'm much more relaxed and my anxiety has dropped off dramatically. (heck I'm sleeping without ear plugs) I'm reading a lot more, writing a lot more, and am feeling much more creative in general. I've been scanning art blogs and doing some of my own drawing. I've been starting new short stories and having ideas just randomly pop to mind. I'm in a strangely good place.

I'm not sure how much of this is news related. My odd near death (or at least what felt like near death) experience is certainly playing a part. I'm sure a lot of the creativity is due to my refocusing on writing and drawing with the feeling that time is short. My goal is to have a published work by the time Jeff is out of school. But there are other factors as well. I haven't played WoW at all during these two weeks either, the longest break I've ever taken. Jeff has been very focused on school which keeps the TV in the house off and the WoW playing to a minimum. Even his WoW playing has dropped off dramatically. Not playing gives me tons of time and I'm suddenly interested in everything.

But since this isn't scientific, I have no idea which of these is contributing to my good mood. Eventually I may try to add one in at a time and see what helps or hinders. I may eventually go back to taking time and life for granted. But for right now I'm enjoying the feeling. I'm enjoying my more relaxed feeling. And I'll ride this as long as I can. Not scientific at all, but I'd call the experiment as success.