Imperfection

I've never claimed to be perfect. In fact, I'm not even a perfectionist. Jeff will rip out his knitting over and over and over until he has it perfect. If I find an error in my work I'll go back and fix it if the solution is easy. Otherwise I'm more than happy to just accept that there will be issues with my knitting project. My current mittens (my first pair) have one thumb that is inside out. I still wear them, mostly proudly.

So why is it that when I come to other creative work (writing, drawing, painting) or dieting, I expect myself to be perfect. I sit down to write, put one sentence on the screen, and instantly erase it because the words aren't perfect. I write half a story and then stop because so far it hasn't been the masterpiece I'm looking for. I draw images of small furry animals and then instantly erase them because they aren't perfect re-creations. It's frustrating.

And I'm even worse when it comes to dieting. In November I started writing my food choices down again. I'm trying to stay under an 1800 calorie diet. And most of the time it works well. I'm feeling better, I'm eating better. I've even started walking three to four days a week. And some days I go over calories. And it is a constantly struggle every time it happens not to give up and just eat whatever I want. I have to remind myself to just restart the next day. I'm demanding perfection of myself and that's not fair. No one is perfect. So my first drawings won't be masterpieces, my first drafts will be terrible, and each day I may or may not stay within my calorie limit. The important thing is that I keep trying, imperfections and all. Now if I could only remember that.

Renata Liwska

I've been meaning to write about Renata Liwska for my other blog about children's books, but something keeps stopping me. It would make sense to post her work there, after all she is a children's book illustrator. Her work is, in a word, adorable. So it would make sense for me to write about it there, but I think her beautiful tiny pencil sketches are simply too perfect to not consider art. She belongs in both blogs, there as illustration and here as art.

I was introduced to Renata's work through The Quiet Book, written by Deborah Underwood. The moment I saw the cover at Barnes and Noble I knew I had to own the book. And I knew that I had to learn more about the artist. The cover drew me in, and the interior illustrations enchanted me further. Her image for "Pretending you're invisible quiet" is one of the cutest things I've ever seen. And all of Renata's work is that cute.

Renata works mostly in pencil, adding color digitally for her printed illustrations. She's illustrated seven books now and all of them are soft and cute. I've been reading Renata's blog (Pandas and Such) for a while and love her posts. Her blog offers glimpses into perfect miniature animals, that spring from her pencil with personalities all their own. The light pencil hash marks create detailed and adorable characters. Plus she's not afraid to show work in progress, something that I love almost more than the finished pieces. She shows off her sketchbook drawings which are enough to make almost any illustrator jealous. Look at her "rough" drawing below. I wish my finished products looked that good.

Renata is a Polish artist who has moved to Calgary to be with her artist husband. The two of them share a website. His work can be found here. I've been slowly trying to buy up Renata's books to add to my collection but I'm also thinking about picking up some of her pencil drawings as well. I'm a huge fan of adorable animals and beautiful art; and they just don't get more adorable or beautiful than Renata's work.

For a Lark

I've been drawing robins recently. I'm not sure why. For the past year or so I've been drawing this one particular robin, a character with a mask. Sometimes he's a superhero. Sometimes he's a villian. I think there is probably a graphic novel in here somewhere but I haven't taken the time yet to find it. But yesterday over lunch I sat down and created these images really quick on MS Paint. Nothing artistic. Nothing incredible. Just pure silliness. And I thought I'd share.

It's the devious General Robin with his second-in-command Archduke Cardinal.

On a different note, I'm getting the hell out of dodge this weekend and there won't be any postings for the rest of the week and probably Monday. I'll try to get something up Tuesday but it's a vacation day and I'm not making any promises. Have a safe and enjoyable Memorial Day weekend!

Freezing flamingo

Nothing like a flamingo to start your day. I'm trying to write a children's book called Early Bird and one of the images is of a flamingo in a stocking cap and scarf. So yesterday over lunch I played with Microsoft Paint and made this. He's not a particularly good flamingo but I had a ton of fun creating him. And I downloaded Paintbrush for the Mac when I got home last night.

What Doesn't Kill You...

Only makes you stronger. At least that's the theory.

Things have been weird for me recently although I feel a bit more recharged today. I've been having chest pains for the last couple of days. This is my second bout of this and I'm getting tired of it. It only happens the day after I go walking, leading me to believe that exercise might not actually be good for me. (Or that could be wishful thinking. :-) )

But here's the weird part. I'm in pain with every breath I take but for some reason I've been cranking out stories left and right. I spent a good long period of time writing last night and cranked out three possibly workable stories. My hand was cramping I was writing so much. The only reason I stopped was that Jeff came up to beg me to come to Naxx because they were short. (you owe me honey). But that hasn't diminished today. I'm still in pain but the creativity is still there. I was sketching with breakfast. Right now I'm wondering if anyone would notice if I spent most of my work day writing. (they would, Grrrr)

I know what's causing the chest pain finally and I'm not worried about my heart. But now I'm wondering if I just get out walking just to bring back this creative spirit/pain. My writing and drawing have never been more fluid. Perhaps I just needed a little discomfort to wake me up.

Childfree Day

In the mid 1990s Leslie Lafeyette, the founder of the Childfree Network, put forward the idea of having a day to celebrate the childfree choice. Her idea is that the holiday would fall on the first Sunday of June, the mid point between Mother's Day and Father's Day. Although the Childfree Network itself is no longer around, the idea of a holiday has stayed. Well yesterday was World Childfree Day. It is another one of those odd little holidays that Jeff and I celebrate that most of the world doesn't.

And although I love the idea of a day to celebrate childfree people I do see one problem with the holiday, at least for Jeff and I. We celebrated the day the same way we do pretty much every day. Jeff stayed up way too late playing World of Warcraft the night before. I spent the morning hanging out in my local coffeehouse writing and drawing. We went out to lunch and then spent the afternoon reading or sitting outside enjoying the nice day. In the evening we scavenged together some dinner (each cooking our own meals) and then raided with the guild until very late. So in all honesty it was a pretty typical Sunday for us.

Jeff and I are blessed in that we have a lot of time to do whatever we want to do. I'm planning to start fencing lessons again soon. I have my writing which lately has been a priority. I'm also suddenly interested in baking and particularly cake decorating. And I have the time to try it. Jeff has the chance to quit work and go back to school because of our childfree status. He also gets plenty of play time in the process. It's a quiet life but one that I love. So while I can see the desire for a childfree holiday, I'm not necessarily sure I see the need. Everyday gets to be a holiday.

Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus

Since I started drawing again, I've felt a bit like a small child. I've been doing mostly free-hand drawing but today I spent my lunch hour having fun with Microsoft Paint. I started by drawing the cartoon tire and when I attached it to the bus, I knew I had to make it a tribute to one of my favorite children's books, Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus by Mo Willems. I've read enough interviews with Mo to know that he won't mind that I copied his character. It was a ton of fun and really simple. Which is exactly why it looks like a four year old did it!

Learning to Fail

I'm 32 years old and I just finally figured out that failing at something is not the end of the world. I don't know why it took me so long but the revelation is a bit intoxicating. For the first time in my life I'm allowing myself the freedom to try and fail. And then try and fail again. And again.

For the last year or so I've been trying to learn to draw. I desperately want to illustrate my own children's books. But the pattern went something like this. Try a drawing, find that it was not good, crumple it up, toss it away, and give up for the day. Not conducive to learning. Instead it just made me feel that I'd never learn. For some reason, these past two weeks, I have gotten it into my head that whatever I produce is a learning process. Bad drawings happen. And now I'm having a ton of fun drawing. There is no pressure to be good. No worry about messing up. I carry an eraser with me at all times now. And for the first time I'm producing drawings that I think are okay. Not great, not perfect but okay. I just had to give myself permission to fail. 

Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is courage that matters--Winston Churchill

Inspirational Reading

For a week or two after I come back from Mondo I am always inspired. I tend to juggle more, write more, read more, and generally live better. Things work easier for me and I tend to be more relaxed. In short, Mondo makes me into a slightly better person. The kind I want to be daily but sometimes fall short of. 

So I decided this year to help that inspiration along so I headed out to the library yesterday to pick up some books. I picked up a self-help title that I've been thinking about for a while and finally decided to read. And then I stopped into the drawing section to see if they had anything good for teaching my poor hand to obey my brain. (There appears to be some sort of disconnect between the two. I can clearly see the idealized image in my mind but the hand can't produce). So I sorted through a ton of books on techniques but didn't find anything that was jumping out at me. 

Now I know they say that you should never choose books based on their cover, but they never say anything about weight. The first thing I remember when picking up Maira Kalman's The Principle of Uncertainty was how heavy it was. It felt like there were full oil paintings on each page. The book is hefty. It is no bigger than a standard hardcover but the pages feel like lead. I flipped through the first couple pages and was hooked. Kalman creates a visual and textual story by simply asking and answering questions (some shallow but most deep) and creating images to go along. She jumps from Spinoza to Einstein to Nietzsche to her family in the pages and somehow it seems to all tie together. 

The book represents a years worth of columns that Kalman did. The images and text blend beautifully to tell a very personal story. Kalman does not shock us with things she reveals about herself but the images she presents of herself is incredibly personal. She offers the reader a view of her idioscyncrasies. She tell us the deep questions and problems of her life. She challenges us to think about answers to the unanswerable. And for me she makes me want to open up. I tend to be a closed person, almost secretive. This book makes me want to take my drawings, which are no where near as good as hers, and offer them to world. She inspires me to open myself and be a more creative and thought-filled person. And for that I'm thankful.