Where I Fit

The guild last night got started talking about birth order. Somehow our conversation got around to the topic and I held my tongue. I both love and hate sharing about something I know a lot about. I'm a librarian so I love to spread knowledge. I'm also prone to being a bit of a know-it-all. So last night I erred on the side of less sharing but today I'm feeling expansive.

I'm incredibly fascinated by birth order. Ever since I was young I've been looking at families to see the trends. My mother lent me her copy of The New Birth Order: Why You Are the Way You Are by Kevin Leman when I was in high school and I instantly started looking at my family differently. We fit perfectly within the frame of birth order.

I'm the middle of five with all the middle child syndrome I can handle. Jeff is also a middle child so our house tends to be a quiet place. Middle children tend to be loners which bears out for both of us. We both don't have a ton of friends but the ones we do are good strong friendships that have lasted. We are also peace-keepers and both Jeff and I try to avoid conflict as much as possible. If we do disagree it is most often a quiet conversation. And at the same time we are both striving for each others attention. Middle children often feel ignored and want to attract attention in their own quiet way.

My older brother is the perfect example of a first born child. Successful, disciplined, and dependable. Did you know that most of the presidents of this country have been first borns? They tend to follow the straight and narrow and often are the most successful of all the children. They tend to follow their parents lead and are quick to comply with requests. My older sister is a perfect example of a second born. She was the one who quickly deviated from the straight and narrow path that is normally prescribed. She is the more rebellious of the older siblings and still bucks any authority that presents itself. She is incredibly social, for a long time preferring friends to family. Second born tend to rebel as a way to grab attention from the more successful older sibling.

My little sister is a bit of an enigma. She has quite a bit of the middle child syndrome. She is fiercely independent but is also a peace-keeper as well. She avoids confrontations but is more social and outgoing than a middle child normally is. She too hasn't followed the straight and narrow path and lives very much on her own terms. Perhaps she is a mix of a second born (She and I were often lumped together growing up) and a middle child. The younger brother is a classic baby of the family. Incredibly social and charming, he could get away with almost anything, not just with my parents but with anyone. He's successful mostly using his charm and charisma to get ahead. He prefers to be surrounded by people but is independent when it comes to his family.

I find it interesting to see that other families tend to fit these trends as well. I'm watching my brothers' kids to see these patterns re-emerge in the form of my nephews and niece. I look at my friends families and see these roles filled again and again. There are deviations to the patterns. If there are more than six years between siblings the roles restart. Only children have thier own profile. But this seems to bear out time and time again. Interesting stuff. And explains quite a bit about my family and all the very unique members of it.