Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Bad Work Day Blues

Warning: Today is a downer of a post. I'll understand if you want to skip my pathetic whining. I would.

I should have stayed home this morning. I woke up exhausted which is never a good thing. I took forever to get dressed because I couldn't seem to concentrate long enough to make any decisions, or even figure out what I was doing. I thought about calling in sick for the day (something I rarely do) but couldn't think of a reason. I can't bring myself to not go to work because of a bad brain day.

But now that I'm here I'm wondering if I made the right choice. I can't seem to concentrate on any of the multiple projects. Nothing has a strict deadline so I'm not feeling the rush of adrenaline. Even the caffeine isn't helping. It's pretty clear that I don't want to be here and am slacking off because of it. This has been one of my least productive days in quite a while.

It certainly doesn't help that things have changed so much around here. About a month ago my boss got fired (for something he didn't do) and with that went my reason for being here. I took the job because of my boss. He mentioned that I should apply for it. I thought it would be interesting to work with him. I left a job I loved (the skipping to work, can't wait to get there, kind of love) and instantly regretted it. The money was better but the job wasn't. It was a step away from what I really wanted to be doing. But I stayed. I didn't want to leave too quickly. After two years I started looking at new jobs and didn't get them. I started job hunting big time. So far with no luck. It's been four years now and I'm starting to feel trapped here. Add onto that the fact that my reason for taking the job is gone and you can see my level of motivation.

I'll still do a good job. I always have. But I haven't been giving 110 percent in a while and that bothers me. I feel like I'm not doing enough. I've been ingrained with a work ethic and to let that slide a bit, makes me sad. I'm still applying. Still looking. And still working. But today is just a little harder than other days. Today I really have to rev myself up just to stay in place. Today is just a really bad work day.


Keith said...

I'm sorry you lost your boss. I lost my last September, and it was like being hit in the guts with a shovel. So I know some of what you're going through.

There's a better job for you out there. Keep looking; you'll find it.

Keith said...

Dang it. I meant "I lost my boss".

Cat B said...

Thanks Keith,

Don't worry, I knew what you meant. And thanks for the words of encouragement. Somedays (like yesterday) I really need them.

I'm sorry you lost your boss as well. It really changes the dynamic at the office. I hope your new one is just as good as the old one.