Giving them back at the end of the evening

So I'm childfree. Not to be confused with childless. There is actually a difference. Childless people are hoping to one day have children. They feel a lack of something because of their childless status. I am not that way. Now I'll start with the standard caution. Don't assume that because I don't want kids of my own that I don't enjoy children. I have been known to play for hours with friends kids, nieces and nephews, and in this case cousin's kids. But I don't enjoy the responsibility of kids or the worry that goes with it. I will spend hours playing with your child but don't ask me to discipline it or take care of it. My favorite part is handing it back at the end of the night.

My family has been really good about my childfree status. My entire extended family knows and they support Jeff and I. I have only been told once that I would regret this decision and that was by one of my cousins. She was almost 40 and desperate for a child. So she met a man and had one. And that brings you up to this recent funeral in Chicago. And my story.

My cousin arrived at the funeral, talked for a little and then went to pick up her 3 year old. Now this kid is a terror. I redefined my definition of hellion after meeting this kid. Even my sister was impressed with his level of mischief. He does the exact opposite of whatever anyone tells him. And his mother does nothing to discipline him. NOTHING. After arriving with her child she informed me and my sisters that she had a doctors appt to go to and asked if we would watch the little boy. What I wanted to say was that I would rather poke my eyes out with hot pokers but what came out of my sister's mouth was "Of course". Of course we would watch him while she went to her OB appointment. I can't even imagine how this woman is going to handle two.

Now we're in a funeral parlor, on a busy street. No option to take him outside. Instead he ran up and down the halls until the funeral director asked us to keep him under control. No amount of scolding, holding, or picking up would deter him. He's not my child so I don't feel comfortable really disciplining him. At one point my sister and I sat in the hallway, in dress clothes, and blocked his access to the hallway. I was so glad that we were the only funeral going on when he started screaming about wanting to get by.

After two hours of chasing, holding, squirming, and screaming, I was done. I hid in the bathroom for a bit just to get a bit of quiet. My sisters took him like a champ. My older sister had even gotten him to mind a little bit. He would no longer run, he just didn't stay in one place. And walked deliberately to show that he wasn't running. Then his cousins showed up and now we had three. All hell broke loose. They were of course left to us sisters since we already had the one.

At the end of the night I was exhausted. I have to admit I had several beers that night at the hotel. I never really got to grieve with all the running back and forth and I was reminded of why I don't want children. They are fun for a while, great to play with, and wonderful to hand back at the end of the night.