Uncle!!!

Okay, I'm crying uncle. Tonight I'm going out and buying myself some earplugs. It's not that my place is loud, actually far from it. A good majority of the time my housing complex is silent. But that doesn't stop my anxiety which creates sounds of its own. I have been lying in bed listening for loud radios and nighttime disturbances that probably won't come. That's the big problem with anxiety. It's not what's going on but what could go on. And my sleep is suffering. I've tried changing sides of the bed, white noise, hot baths, sleepy tea, NyQuil, and sleeping on the couch. Last night I got three hours of sleep. I'm literally falling asleep at my desk at work.

I've been putting off posting because I've been in rotten mood. Insomnia is a terrible thing for the anxious. The more anxious I am, the more I can't sleep. The more I can't sleep, the more anxious I become about sleeping. Vicious cycle. So earplugs tonight, and tomorrow I'm calling a therapist. I've always encouraged others to talk to therapists but now that I need one I find myself resistant to calling. I keep thinking that I should be able to handle this on my own. But the more sleepless nights I have and the more anxiety attacks I have, the more I realize that this requires some professional help. I hope to start improving soon. I miss having thoughts that aren't sleep related. I miss reading without the intention of making myself drowsy. And I miss not worrying. So Uncle!!! I'm ready to get well.