Sunday, July 6, 2008

Relaxation and restlessness

I had the good fortune of having my little brother home this weekend. After golfing on Friday morning I came home to find that he was here for a concert. We had dinner that night with him and with my parents. But I wasn't going to the concert. After walking 18 holes carrying my clubs I was exhausted and frankly sick. After the fireworks I went home to bed. I was asleep at 11:00, which is earlier then I go to bed on weeknights. 

On Saturday we sat around eating heavily and then hung out to play Wii until all odd hours of the night. So this morning you would think that I would sleep in. Not happening. I was up early. I've been reading a lot lately so I started Neil Gaiman's Smoke and Mirrors. Only to discover that I have actually read it at some point in my not too distant past. I just assumed that I hadn't read it because I hadn't bought it yet. 

And now I'm sitting outside again blogging, just like last night, trying to avoid being inside and playing World  of Warcraft. It's not that I don't love the game. I'm just in an area where I die regularly and I don't enjoy that part. So far, since I have been in outlands, I have had to run for my body 10 times. That may be more times then I have done since I started the game. The experience is good, the loot is great, and the area is beautiful. I'm just tired of dying regularly. 

And this is the shameful part. I feel guilty when I play. The game takes up hours. Those are hours that I don't get anything else done. Lately I feel bad just sitting down for a movie. I feel like I should be getting something else done. I occasionally drag out my knitting so I won't feel like I'm wasting time. Plus I feel guilty that the cat is not getting attention, that my housework is not getting done, and that I'm not writing. One of things I love most about my lifestyle is the relaxation it offers. But lately that has been mixed with restlessness. I feel like I should be doing more. I should be reading more, writing more, creating more. But most likely I'll just log on and lose four or five hours. And wish I could write like Neil Gaiman. 

Guilt sucks. 


No comments: