6 Parts Gin to 1 Part Vermouth

Okay, soapbox time. It's time to trot out a little pet peeve of mine. I went out for drinks with friends on Tuesday. We went to one of those kind of places with pages upon pages of drink menu. For the record I had New Belgium's 1554, an amazingly hoppy beer that makes me incredibly happy. Seriously I should buy stock in the company. Or at least a lovely gift for my little sister for introducing me to it.

So one whole page of the menu was dedicated to martinis. Except that there was only one actual martini on the menu. And here is where my rant starts. A martini, for those who don't know, is made up of gin and vermouth. I will even allow for a vodka martini but that's really stretching it. Now I drink my martinis dirty, with a little olive juice and an extra olive or two. But the basic elements of the drink are still there, gin and vermouth. Here was one of the martinis listed on the menu: Stoli Vanilla, Starbuck's coffee liqueur, a splash of coffee, with a lemon twist and a sugared rim. Okay so we have the vodka. Beyond that no gin or vermouth. Soooo.....NOT a martini.

Seriously people, just because you create this concoction and put it in a martini glass does not mean you should call it a martini. And yes I understand that you can charge more for a drink by calling it a better name and putting it in a pretty glass, but really.... From now on I'm going to start creating my own wine drink. Mix up a bit of bourbon, flavored vodka, and some seven-up, put it in a wine glass and call it good. I could even sugar the rim for the fruitier concoctions. By the restaurants standards as long as I serve it in a wine glass, I can call it wine right?

I have no idea why this bothers me. I go out to restaurants and bars and flip through the menu and always cringe when I hit the martini menu. Jeff gets that scared look in his eye because he knows the rant that is coming. He's heard it a hundred times if not more. Other who haven't been with me for one of these rants listen politely and roll their eyes. But grrr. Call them specialty drinks, call them libations, call them "this will f*%$ you up" drinks, but please please don't call them martinis. Unless they have gin and vermouth. And maybe a blue cheese stuffed olive. Mmmmm